my side of the story

What is the Truth?

2011-12-19T00:35:00.005+08:00

Hi there..

I have been thinking a bit about this world and the purpose of our existence.

Met Has yesterday for a movie- Mission Impossible 4: The Ghost Protocol (the movie was good btw) and then we had a chat over coffee and snacks in Starbucks at the Cathay. We had a conversation about marriages, relationships, religion and purpose of life. The first two topics have frequently been the most commonly talked-about topic lately amongst my girl friends and I suspect that this could be attributed to the fact that this month has been the season of marriage and engagements for many- which of course will prompt many of those single ladies like myself to start wondering if and when this time will come for us. It's interesting how this is the case - is this a result of societal pressure or the inherent need for having a life partner?

Not too sure, maybe it starts off with the inherent need for a life partner because biologically I do believe that we were created to have sexual needs so as to fulfill the need to procreate. This has led to many marriages of course, which then makes it a social norm, which therefore reinforces the need to find your life partner soon (especially when you're at this marriageable age like mine- ok I'm 24 now, but time really flies and I do hope that I too, will find my special someone over the next few years).

Anyway, back to the conversation that as and I had.. About religion and the purpose of our existence.

To me, life is about dying a good person. A worthy Muslim who can remember that life is indeed a test that will be trying but that Allah SWT knows all and that He will therefore salvage you if you are patient and if you live in His guidance, Inshaallah.

Yet, I have some queries. I do believe that there can only be and that there truly is only one Supreme Being which ordains the happenings of this world. This is true despite the many religions that exist in the world. Yet, is it then also true to say that religions were all created by Men and that only Allah, the Supreme Being is One and the Alimighty knows best? Is that blasphemous? Some would surely say that saying such a thing is blasphemous. I have both Muslims and Christian friend swho will cringe at any kind of suggestion that states that all religions are in fact leading to the same end. But their explanations as to how, and the what differs of course. It's confusing. The many scholars of the many great religions all seem to be so certain of their own faiths and teachings of their great religions yet I would like to believe and hope that all of mankind can indeed be saved and given a chance regardless of their acts and be judged instead for their hearts, manner and conduct. For truly, if God was Magnanimous and Merciful as He really is, then surel y he can forgive and accept us all regardless of our backgrounds or the faiths that categorize and divide us?

Ya Allah, I do not want to be a sinner. I do want to do good and to go in the right path. Just would like to be close to the Truth and to guide others to onto this same path. Inshaallah. Amin.

2011-12-18T04:53:00.001+08:00

The Finish Line"

I thought I knew it all
I've been through the highs, said all my goodbyes

Learned to run before I learned to crawl
It's not worth fighting for if one of us is sure
And one of us is dying, trying to find loves cure
I have waited all my life to paint these cities red
Thoughts I've always had here are stuck inside my head
It's not worth waiting for if one of us wants more
And one of us is dying, trying to find love's door
When we learn how to flyWe forget to how walk

When we learn how to sing
We don't wanna hear each other talk
Here we are at the finish line, ah
Here we are at the finish line

And you, you really thought you knew
Everything to do
With holding onto me and holding on
This time is making me slip right through your hands
And now you don't understand
Trying to find love all yourself

When we learn how to fly, We forget to how walk
When we learn how to sing
We don't wanna hear each other talk

When we know what we want
We forget what we need
When you find who you are
You forget about me

Here we are at the finish line, ah
Here we are at the finish line, ah
Here we are at the finish line
Ah, ah, ah

So how?

2011-12-13T22:37:00.002+08:00

For now:

My weekdays are packed with work..

My week nights must be packed with more physical and enrichment activities. (Gym - sign up with Amore for a gym membership, go for religious classes and spend the rest of them with my family)

Maybe First Monday of the Month: Meet-the people sessions (sent invites to Cass!) -> leave work at 645pm.

Every Wednesday and Saturday: Workout at the gym! (Sign up for Amore Fitness package)

Tuesday Evenings: with Family

Thursday Evenings: Mosque/ Religious Classes

Friday Evenings: Family or Friends

Saturday: Friends/ Self
Sunday: Family

Lacking Inspiration.. And then..

2011-12-13T22:32:00.002+08:00

I forgot for awhile.

What I was set to do.

My dreams, aspirations and hope for this World.

I would like to shape it in a meaningful way, to help touch lives, to free to some extent and to salvage to another extent.

To put my life, education to good use and not just live another purposeless one

I need to remind myself

There are many things beyond us that deserve greater attention. World problems, inequity, injustice, victimizaation of the poor and less knowledgeable, domestic violence, pain and sufferings and poverty.. the list does not end..

I was losing the inspiration after a while.. Bogged down by the bottomless abyss that can be work that can steal you away from yourself. It's unsettling. I love what I do but it can;t be for long. There's so much more to be done.

Be with me Allah. Let not my dreams die in vain..

I will start tracking and pushing myself on a project basis, on a daily basis, I will not shy away from this challenge and I must not.

For truly, there are far greater things beyond myself.

Inshallah, Amin.

2011-06-24T01:37:00.000+08:00

not easy. being the only child in a single-parent, not so well-to do family. :(

2011-02-01T20:28:00.001+08:00

When you're in pain.. Remember this..

A beautiful poem by Khalil Gibran on pain:

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.

Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.

And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;

And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.

And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.

Much of your pain is self-chosen.

It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.

Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquillity:

For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,

And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears.

2010-12-28T02:52:00.000+08:00

HOORAYY!! =D Copyright OK!

2010-12-28T01:18:00.002+08:00

i love my privacy and my freedom. was looking at my blog and its posts and realised that I don't have comments for any entry, but that that's really the best way to be, cos only then can I truly feel free enough to voice out my truest emotions and views without having to consider, negate or moderate my words. love it. also just realised that the sentence before the last one is exceptionally long. hah. i is happy now. yeay, let's find for a pretty shiney cheery picture..

Credits: http://www.wallstory-murals.co.uk/mural_details/Over%20the%20rainbow/over_the_rainbow_details.htm

2010-12-28T00:49:00.002+08:00

Hi there..

It has been a while since I last really got inspired and blogged. Cos a lot of times, I'm haggled and bothered by so many pressing and urgent needs to do this or that.. so much so that it leaves very little space to be truly 'free' and inspired.. Now, it's slightly different.. I feel a bit more happy and relaxed. Mainly because I've graduated, and have finished one more test for this job I'm applying for, and even finished the few ywlc stuff I need to do.. so feel really free.. :) good feeling, hasn't been felt for some time now.

Another thing, I think I am very fortunate to e blessed with a supportive and highly motivating grandmother and a doting and unwavering mother. They are the pillars of my strength and I have a lot to be thankful for with them in my life. To be honest, I won't be able to achieve much without their constant support and love. Think about it, if I didn't have them, I wouldn't know how to support myself, not just financially (which is already the bulk of the problem) but also, 'operationally'. They take care of my meals, they quietly do this, that, for me, never asking for much in return, all investing in me for they have the belief that it will do me good and help me secure a bright future. they wish the world for me, they truly wish for my well being and success. Isn't that precious? To be truly loved without them ever asking for anything in return? I am very blessed, Alhamdulillah.

Just now, my grandma, my mum and I went to Uncle Ismail's house. Auntie Wahidah, his wife fetched us and drove us over. Uncle Mail (pronounced in the malay way and not the english way) is relatively rich. He lives in a large condo that should easily be worth more than $1mln, has been very successful in his career and very successful by most measures. Yet, in that car ride, as I sat next to my mum who told me how happy she was to have me with her, I realised that the richest ppl are those who have their loved ones close to them. those who have their families intact, who have their loved ones close to them and who love and support them unconditionally.. And I am already relatively rich in that aspect, Alhamdulillah. I hope I never forget this important realization. Of course, if I could have it all, and be both rich (in material terms) and in terms of relations and in love, that would be best.. But if I had to choose between the two, I think I would choose the latter anytime. Remember this Khairah. A good lesson from a beautiful day.

On an unrelated topic, I wish to talk of Uncle Mail. He's such a kind man.. We all prayed together in his house, with him as the Imam and he prayed for my late grandfather and for my success in my career and life too. A truly kind man. May Allah reward him for his kindness, Inshaallah. Good day all in all, worth missing MPS for this. :P k that's as inspired as I can get today.. Take care all u good ppl and always always put your family first, they're completely worth it.

2010-12-11T03:57:00.002+08:00

tired beyond comprehension. emotionally, spiritually and mentally. take me to a land of happiness.

blabliblu

2010-12-10T16:05:00.003+08:00

Hi, ok had some problem with blogger previously probably because of this blogger app that I dwlded for my phone. Couldn't save posts but had to publish new ones-> so I've deleted the app since n it's fine now.

anyway.. I wanted to blog cos I've been feeling a bit down. I don't think I've been using my time very effectively. Just now, I nagged n all when my grandma asked me to bring her down n buy the clothes poles together. 1) bcos I wanted to do work (settle ywlc stuff n apply fr more jobs) and 2) cos I didn't see the rush- like the thing with my grandma is that when she wants to do smtg, she'll just go all out n do it THEN. On her terms, her timing. So yeah a bit irritated. Then again, I realise that I shouldn't be so inflexible and should be a bit more understanding lah. After all, my grandma's right in a lot of ways- sometimes, there's no point procrastinating. Just go all out, finish it, settle, done. Why think so much, why wait so much, etc etc. But still, her insistence on doing things at her convenience is a tad irritating la but nvm la, just make her happy la. I should be a bit more accommodating too la. (anyway, to cut this story short, I did bring her down, wheeled her all the way to the shop, got the clothes poles n came back).

I do know that once my grandma is no longer around, I will pine and long for small moments like these so I should truly treasure these moments that I have with her now. And make her happy to the best of my abilities. Spend more time with her. Hmm.. it is on that note that I have kinda decided not to go ahead with my India trip la. India can wait, family comes first seriously. :) And I feel good about this decision.

Ok, now that I have cleared things off my chest.. I have got to get back to settling my unfinished business with ywlc. have a meeting in the evening. NO PROCRASTINATING!

2010-11-26T12:28:00.000+08:00

NEEDS TO RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RAWR!!

nightmare

2010-11-26T10:57:00.001+08:00

Had a nightmare this morning.. Was quite terrible. Dreamt that I married an unknown person n I felt so much regret n sadness. Terrible. Nau'zubillah. I'm now waiting for my bus at vivo city, to get me to school. My RBR book is overdue by 2 hrs-so $2 fine. :/ sigh, well it'll all end tmrw Inshaallah.

2010-11-24T01:11:00.001+08:00

Can't wait. Inshaallah.

2010-11-17T13:08:00.002+08:00

good link:

http://chronicle.com/article/The-Shadow-Scholar/125329/

I feel so strangely free. :) It's a good feeling. Went to the Habib Noh mosque early this morning with my mum and it felt good to pray there- glad I made it in time. Had good food, they served Nasi briyani and grandma cooked lontong soto too. Shukur Alhamdulillah. Hari Raya Haji is to remind us of sacrifices. Those sacrifices that ppl around us do for us, selflessly, and with no expectations for anything in return. Like how my mum selflessly wakes up every morning to work and earn a living for my family and me. Or how my grandma will bear all pain and exhaustion to cook for her kids and grandkids. Sacrifice takes all forms. I'm thinking about the sacrifices I have made and hmm, tbh there aren't many. One, I do sacrifice some weekends and free time to spend time with my family but then again, that makes me happy so I don't really count that as a sacrifice. studying hard to ensure that I'll do well enough (to get a job)- thn again, that too is self-driven if you think about it. So hmm. I dunno, but I honestly can't really think of any real sacrifices I have made.

Oh wells. =) Happy Eid everyone.

2010-11-08T17:20:00.003+08:00

at this moment, I'm overwhelmed. I am reminded of Allah's greatness and his wonderful blessings. :) Feel very blessed, Alhamdulillah. Went through about 4.5yrs of Uni, 1.5 yrs worth of internship experience and made countless of wonderful friendships. This is SUCH a special day. ok, I'm acting like this is the last day of school but it's this friday that is my last day of school. I can do this (have 1 20 pg long report, 1 more presentation, 1 test tmr, 1 grp report due on Sunday). Can do this can do this! :) Amin.

2010-10-14T21:47:00.001+08:00

Dear Allah,

so many sweet ppl surround me. all asking me how I have done for the Bain interview cos they thought it's today. It's tmr -postponed again. Haiz, I really want to do this well. Please let me get through. Amin.

Love,

Khairah

2010-09-23T17:03:00.004+08:00

What's most important?

Hi, this post was inspired by my countless hours of thinking, doodling, and whiling away. It usually follows an extremely productive period- and I had one of such 'periods' yesterday. I was really quite hardworking, managed to type out my bit for my compensation group report and even rushed till the very minute the library closed (i.e. 9pm) to brainstorm and look up some library books for my upcoming Product and brand presentation on Tuesday. So yes, I think I did work quite hard (can be harder lah but still, gime some credit yeah, haha).

So anyway I was thinking, facebook-ing, reading, etc. And I realise that so many of us are quite full of ourselves. Guess it's natural, we want to believe that we're all important in some way or another. And we try to 'prove' it by the types of activities we choose to participate in, the causes we partake in and devote our lives to, even the types of friends we associate ourselves with and would like to be close with or the jobs we take up. That's not even a laundry list and of cos, even if I did try, I won't even be able to list them all even in a thesis. At the end of the day though, the truth will surface- whether or not what you thought was important was indeed important, or whether or not you were indeed important the way you thought you were.

To some extent, I believe that at some point, we will realise that we were disillusioned and that the self-importance perception that we once held will be shattered. That someday, we'll look back, and smirk- that's what I thought? Hah. But that is not to say that we should give up being disillusioned for that self-importance is in fact the fuelling force for many. It can rouse up the spirit to do even greater things than if you removed it altogether. Some bask in the glory of being the popular one, some relish in being the funny one, others in the success at school, or even through the other causes they partake in. Yet, guess it boils down to the greater question of what is most important. What is it that you want to achieve through your life? Be the change-maker/ go with the flow and see where it gets you or? It doesn't matter I guess, but how you define that goal will in some ways define your success at the end of it all and also how disillusioned/ happy you emerge at the end of it all.

For me, this blog post was needed to re-align my thoughts and 'self-vision'. I want to make as big a positive difference and impact as I can on all those around me. Some scoff, others say that's too vague, but I do. So, for that, I'll just have to do what's necessary to get me there- and put in the effort to think of new ideas that can help bring about that change and impact (no matter to what degrees) to the many people around me and through the platforms available around me. My wonderful family, YWLC, school, the many wonderful people around me, grassroots and hopefully a really cool job and just seize the day (every single day from now on). Inshaallah.

2010-09-16T18:52:00.003+08:00

I did a blood test and the doctor said I had an abnormally high level of one particular enzyme in my liver! :( And she asked me if I drank alcohol?! Hahaha. asked her what that could mean: and she says there are several possibilities: 1) too muc alcohol, 2) hepatitis B or 3) too much fatty food (she said its quite common in younger patients tho). I'm thinking it;s the last factor, surely. Damn.

Time for an overhaul.

2010-09-10T21:24:00.003+08:00

SELAMAT HARI RAYA! :D

Check out my cute lil niece, Nur Alishah Daniah. ( I think that's how it's spelt).

2010-09-07T23:01:00.000+08:00

if my mum can go through all that shit, so can I. I'm strong enough for this, Inshaallah.

2010-09-04T16:22:00.001+08:00

Quoting someone:

I wan to say how much I still love you. Dun think so much abt our last night's convo. I think it doesn't make sense. I want you forever in my life or as much as fate can bring us. I dun think I can leave you just like that. Although ur not here, I always think and imagine your here, right in my heart, which is how close u r. And please dun overstress or make urself extremely tired and get sick. I can't bear to hear when ur sick. Ok thats all.. just feel like sharing with u this. :)

Sounds like a love poem off some book? No, it's not. :)

2010-09-02T21:39:00.001+08:00

For all of us, especially Kai.

2010-09-02T00:48:00.002+08:00

i need inspiration. pls.

or a holiday- where i can go kite-flying, bubble-blowing, sand-castle building, reading, drawing, painting, riding, swimming (ok not swimming), shopping, eating, eating, sleeping, sleeping, sleeping (repeated thrice for a reason), and urm just whiling away la.

what's life for? what's my reason for existence? not to ace my exams, do well in my career n build up my wealth. no no no. just to be happy and try to secure that ticket to everlasting happiness too- if possible.

sigh. Allah, save my soul.

2010-08-29T00:56:00.001+08:00

What my YWLC girls think of me. :)

2010-08-14T04:16:00.004+08:00

u know, I think no matter what, I am really passionate about my country and my first reaction to anyone's criticisms will be defensive. I think we have a lot to thank for, and that at times we get complacent and a tad too idealistic- forgetting that there was a great price that had to be paid for this success, this peaceful and stable state that we live in. a fren posted an entry on facebook about how she thinks there's so much more for singapore to achieve-(that I don't deny) but the fact that she made some sweeping statements like "our leaders live in a world completely isolated from ours" is to me- a sad sad statement. For 2 reasons really- firstly n more importantly, its the fact that ppl don't and can't truly appreciate the efforts of our leaders. Having worked closely with some of the MPs and ministers has made me realise that they do a great deal, so much more than meets the eyes, so much more than what is being recognised, so much more than what is being perceived. (which is the problem then isn't it? perception is reality to many. and thats what saddens me, cos i think they deserve more credit and criticism can only truly be justified when one can truly examine in totality one's claims n not just state smtg on worldwide social media platforms like facebook without proper justification. ok tbh, I am a wee bit close from fuming mad but emotions aside, I think the greater and underlying issue for our govt. then is marketing. they need to be better able to showcase the efforts and the great pains that they go to to ensure that we sleep well at night, that we can have faith than singapore as a nation won't just function well enough for us to survive but well enough to continue surpassing expectations, well enough to achieve success for the next 45 years of our lives.

sometimes I feel it is this success that has made us complacent, that has made us a tad idealistic without realising and without pausing to truly consider the sacrifices that had to be made to get to where we are. Sigh.

2010-08-09T02:23:00.002+08:00

guess you can never tell. its just gotta feel right. at this point, it does. so that's all that matters.

had sushi party at susu's today, gg to visit grandpa's grave in the morning tmr and then off to the marina bay carnival thing, then tuesday off to school. back to school, everybody. gotta give it my best shot this round.

2010-08-03T02:53:00.003+08:00

hahaha so funny. what? nothing.

ok i think i may be going mad. I just had a crazy verbal thrashing session from someone, wont say who cos I can't. But I just whined about it on my blog earlier (but saved it as a draft la, cant publish, sigh). I am sad. :(

anyway so funny, i read Kai's blog and, KAI, I know u read this and its funny. I think u should go to sydney btw. Its fun! :) But yeah la guess China wins hands down.

You know sometimes, the thing about ex-es is that because you know them so well, its easy to relate to their emotions, words and actions ( like u ask urself, now why does all this sound so familiar). I dunno if I make any sense right now, (blame the lack of sleep and post-verbal thrashing session), but I think knowing someone so well has its ups and downs.
Ups:
1) u can tell if they're genuine
2) u start psycho-analysing their actions n words, n sometimes wonder why they're the way they are
3) it helps in rltns
4) u dont just hear what they say, u hear the unsaid as well
downs:
1) u cant help but miss them on a more frequent (than necessary) basis
2) ur more emotionally vulnerable to their actions n words
3) sometimes u may be wrong. u may think u know them very well, and then start suffering from tunnel vision.

Ok i am hungry and I want the BIG SUBWAY sandwich in australia-some seafood delight thing.

PS: sometimes i wish i was a housewife living in italy with my own strawberry farm and chickens and sheep (though they stink).

PPS: Yes, this has got to be the most unstructured, messed- up entry there is in my blog and that's saying somehting. I just proved Mr Pang, history teacher from JC right. bleargh. somebody save me.

just while away.

2010-08-01T01:20:00.005+08:00

Hi, would just like to share a thought.

I've realized that at times I avoid doing somethings cos I don't want to 'waste' precious time doing small things like maybe decorating my blog/ creating a blog/ writing other things or basically anything (could be anything ranging from surfing the net, browsing through facebook or random blogs, shopping online, listening to music, playing games or streaming movies off the net) that may be deemed unnecessary or a waste of time. But I've realised that the more of these things you avoid doesn't necessarily mean that you're using your time more efficiently. In fact, on the contrary, I think doing more of these small little "insignificant" things ensure that you're more fully occupied and pushed to make better use of the time that's remaining. Also, these things keep you sane because it means you're distributing your time between the 'serious' work stuff and other simpler things that can allow your mind to just while away.

This mix makes you a more balanced person. I mean think about it, even if you do avoid all these "inefficient" things, you'd end up being nothing more than a robot, no? One who's just crazily driven to maximise every single second for something more 'worthwhile' without realising that maybe sometimes, these inefficient things too, have value. The value to keep you sane, to keep you going and to keep fuelling your imagination. These things are necessary. So yes, let's not strike them off the list just yet or hastily categorize them as 'inefficient' and 'unnecessary' things to do.

That said, it is also important to note that acknowledging the value of these activities cannot and should not warrant us not to justify spending nearly half our lives whiling away. Its definitely also all about striking the right balance, though that begs the question of what then, is the right balance or mix? Hmm, think there's no one-size-fits-all formula or equation, its a subjective thing and your optimal balance of 'serious work' and 'play-time' can only come through experience. Adjust and see what your optimal balance is to achieve your end-goal (of cos, first you'll need to be clear too about what it is you want to achieve as your end-goal). :)

Ok, see, point proven. This entry alone holds testament to the value of just doing something "not-so-worthwhile" (i.e. blogging- at least blogging did fall under my list of "not-so-worthwhile" things to do). It has the power to translate one thought into a whole full-fledged topic. :)

2010-07-31T17:34:00.004+08:00

Its the 31st of July!

hello yello! Its been some time, hasn't it?
Just returned home. Did mentorship selections & matching process with Angela & DC earlier from like 11am to like 4pm. (Tho I was late la. :( )

So anw, I'm back from Australia, expedited my return because I received the invitation to McK's problem solving test for the Business Analyst post and seeing as to how that's my DREAM JOB, seriously, I HAD TO COME BACK. :)

Anyway, I loved Australia, especially Sydney. Its a beautiful city, with the best cross and mix of nature and the modern man-made structures typical of most modern cities (yes, the actual beautifl landscape and seas and bays not the contrived type of nature- like the planted trees type). It felt a lot like Singapore actually, except the weather was better (at times, a bit too cold, especially the strong winds) and the air was definitely so much fresher. Oh, but one thing's that far different is that driving in Sydney's city is CRAZY. I drove btw, which is really in my perspective, quite asking for it, but hey you know me, I love to try new things and I had to try driving in the city. :) But the roads are crazy, long windy, and curvy, one wrong turn and you can say hello to an extra 15 mins of driving before the next turn. Nothing like Singapore, but hey one cannot compare like that of cos, cos Singapore's much smaller anyway. T'was definitely a great experience. I loved it! Was amazed at the cool parking system (cool because its different from Singapore tho I wonder if its the most economically viable and cost effective way of managing the carpark spaces. There, after a certain period (say 8pm, 9pm or 10pm (depending on what the carpark boards at that specific area says). u can park for free. And before you try to justify that by saying that Sydney is much larger and can afford that, that's not true cos we're talking about the city here, which definitely means there's limited space. Maybe they should take a leaf from Singapore and build a multi-storey carpark or smtg. Yep, definitely should. Haha.

Anyhow, what I would miss most? The time spent there with some special people, of cos. :) Had fun, not so much because of the places I visited (tho that does count too, of cos) but more because of the company definitely.

Anyhow was looking at the photos there and this has got to be my most favourite photo:Can you tell the white words written at the bottom left hand corner? Haha it says, "Sydney Opera House, 18 July 2010, Khairah's Photos (Reserved), muahaha. :) Nice right this shot? Love it.
Have many many other photos but too lazy la to upload all. Hope whoever you are, you're doing good too! Take care! Toodles for now!

2010-07-04T22:01:00.002+08:00

wow, three days more and then,

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AUSTRALIA! :))

2010-06-22T00:05:00.001+08:00

is so pissed and whiny right now, I'm irritating myself. bleargh. :(

Don't want 7th july to come now. haiz, just realised its only 2 weeks away!

2010-06-21T15:05:00.001+08:00

damn confused. God please show me a sign?

2010-06-20T20:56:00.001+08:00

very tired. can't wait for the 7th of july.

ramblings of an adult (I'm adult?! :( ) drama queen

2010-06-16T21:21:00.004+08:00

Love my new blog template- the whole stained paint, batik dyed effect thing is cool. :) So how have things been?

I'm currently back at McK for a month or so, to earn extra moolah for my trip to Australia. OK la, good to be earning and its AWESOME too that they actually cover lunch, tea time and all. =) I should really save up as much as I can and then splurgeeee n enjoy when I'm in AUstralia. I love working at the Centennial building, its really convenient! Buses 133 and 857 take about 20 mins to reach there. And best part is the variety of food available, the amazing shops (think SUNTEC CITY, 'nuff said) and yeah lotsaaaa cool stuff! If I ever get to choose an ideal office area, it'd be Suntec City. I think Raffles Place is way too crowded and everything's somehow strangely far apart and it's severely lacking in (halal) food variety.

Anyway right now, I'm feeling really down. Made a decision and then had to retract it, I hate it when that happens. I can be so ultra-fickle sometimes and it sucks. I think I gotta learn how to stick to decisions. But on hindsight I think its good that I don't mind admitting to my mistakes and I do realise that its good to take time to think through things. I had to make a decision about smtg major earlier. (Pretty pissed with someone, whose name I shall not name), but this one mistake is really bad, can tarnish the reputation of this organization (not McK la of cos). Some other organization. Which is why I shall remain mum. And I gotta have a talk to her about it. How she should be more careful next time. Well, whats done is done. Think future, think better happier thoughts, think change.

Right now, I think for starters, gotta settle this issue I'm talking about (I know this vague-ness must be getting to you by now). Resolve the issue and move on. Check on everything else, make decisions move on to bigger things. I can do this.

Note to self: When you read this in the future, remember, that this wasn't a good moment but more importantly, remember that this moment was one of those development moments. (its amazing if you think about it, all these LITTLE episodes are doing SO MUCH for character-building.

So, today's the 16th. Gotta settle a bunch of things so as usual let me list them down:
1) Reply to DC's mentorship thoughts
2) ywlc agenda items for meeting tmr & what needs to be achieved in tmr's meeting
3) Application for jobs
4) Find a replacement to fill in for my tuition lessons (when I'm in Australia) - any takers??

ok thats all! (I feel like getting bronzey eye shadow). byeeee.

2010-06-08T14:40:00.002+08:00

Malay is the national language of Singapore. Did you know that? Its kinda easy to forget huh?

2010-06-06T22:35:00.002+08:00

May Allah bless all of us with the wisdom to discern good from wrong, the patience to withstand His challenges, trials and tribulations, the compassion to love and forgive one another despite our flaws and shortcomings and for the heart to keep heading in His blessed way of life. Be with me Ya Allah, please keep guiding me, Amin. Alhamdulillah.

Sweet things come in bite-sized portions

2010-06-02T23:36:00.002+08:00

Woke up to PushSMS from NUS 2 days ago, squeezing my 6 mods worth of grades in one tiny sms, (I swear such sms-es are lethal, every passing alphabet is accountable for the highly volatile fluctuations in my heartbeat.) But t'was all good news!! Praise be to God! =))

2010-05-30T13:17:00.003+08:00

GOODNESS. I SERIOUSLY PITY YOU. Then again, you chose this for urself, so dunno whether to think ur stupid or just plain pathetically in love? All the best la with that mad woman.

Post-entry disclaimer: Sigh, ok I feel a bit mean la. and to provide some closure to this issue, I'm gonna blog about it.

Situation: I saw Kai log in onto MSN. and her nickname was "DAH TUA PUN BODOH" (literal translation: "So old already, still very stupid & immature"). So me, being in a jovial happy mood, and seeing THAT line (its one of her favourite lines ever btw), I reached out to her and said, "TAHU TEMPEH" on MSN. cos its usually my response to such lines that she uses in addition to "Tahu Takpe" (If you know that, then good.") Sheesh such translations can never fully capture the essence of what smtg means in another language.

Anyway, dramatic twist of the century. Lo and behold, the person using this account, wasn't Kai but her gf. I pretty much guessed it la, when the reply came-"Whats ur prob??" Cos Kai is usually not that mean sounding, not that she's entirely nice these days either, but that's another story for another day.
I didn't reply at first to her "Whats ur prob??" retort. Until she came up with another "Whats ur damn prob???"
To which, I realised that GOSH, I must have caused Kai some shit with her gf, so I said "I'm sorry, wrong person! Really sorry!" By then, Kai had sms-ed me to warn me that its Liza who was using her MSN account. (Seriously Kai, I FIGURED).

Anyway, next thing I knew, Kai called me, pleading with me to explain to tell Liza that I really had nothing to do with her and that it was a wrong msg. Seeing as to how such an innocent situation had turned so ugly so fast, I agreed (only for Kai's sake la). So Kai called me with Liza listening in too via the multi-party conference feature thing. And so, as requested, I did just that, (when Kai asked me in such a fucked up action way, "Khairah, why the hell did u msg me? (smtg to that extent), I said, "I'm sorry, I messaged the wrong person. Sorry!" Then Kai said, please don't contact me anymore and delete and block me."
My reply:"Yes, don't worry, I'm on it already".
AND THEN, the crazy bitch (aka Liza) said to me: "Fuck you la Khairah"
Ok seriously, WTF is her problem?
To that, I cannot take it already, so I replied, "FUCK YOU LA. You're like one of the most insecure and mad woman I have ever known".
Liza: (apparently at a loss for words and its obvious that her mind cant react as her mouth) said" ME INSECURE??
*****After that the line got cut off.
ok, u tell me. I am trying to be objective. I KNOW she has had shit in her past and is therfore very clingy and possesive and HELL INSECURE. BUT she doesn't fucking own Kai, and she cannot expect everyone to adapt to her whims and fancies and nonsense. As far as I'm concerned, I did nothing wrong, sure maybe on hindsight, looking at how things turned out, I probably shouldn't have approached Kai in teh first place, but if I did so with NO ILL intention what soever. Its not liek I messaged kai something like "Hey baby,wanna go out tonight? or I miss u or smtg like that, u knw what i mean??!

So bottom line is,
1) I don't feel bad, bcos as much as I hate how the situation turned ugly, I did try my best to make things better. Kai called me up again after that, and asked me to please tell Liza that I wont contact her again. I said sure, I could do it, but I will also give her a piece of my mind. Cos she obviously needs a SHRINK. Kai didnt want me to say anything and just act like a dumb ass and say "I'm sorry for messaging you and I will never contact u again" and Kai has to say the same to me.
I;m sorry Kai, I know u will read this, but seriously, u can do whatever u deem right, to appease ur gf, but to get the rest of the world to do it, now that's wrong. And I already did try my best. If ur gf wants to say smtg as vile as "Fuck u" for no reason and for the issues she cannot deal with, hey, thats too much. I don't fucking know her and she has no right. Oh and u might want to break her delusion, about how she doesnt OWN u, no one owns anybody, but ok guess that's really non of my business.

Ok, its half hilarious actually on hindsight. But really, I will try my best to stay away from u la from now on, now that I've witnessed her crazy antics, I'm convinced. Just a pieceof advice: Trying to consistently appease her and let her feel 'secure' abot things liek that, is really doing her more damage than good. You need to cure her, not provide her with temporary relief. Especially not when this 'temporary relief' will come as the expense of ur own sanity and self-respect. Hope u'll give my words a bit of thought. I'm sorry I did approach u, I should have known (but guess that wont happen anymore, I have blocked n deleted u off MSN).

[I'm sorry, I'm trying my best to be objective, but its hard, I'm human too]

Cheers, I pray for ur happiness la, really. Haiz.

FLEAFLYFLO HUM Riyaz's car got fire?!

2010-05-20T22:56:00.003+08:00

Hi, today I slept in till late and woke up only at about 1plus pm. Then, I showered and ate my grandma's wonderful suryanam curry and black pepper beef & potatoes. My aunt and I then headed to the Geylang East Clinic for my grandma's health checkup and to get her medication. Then we headed to Geylang Serai to eat at Hajjah Maimunah and buy groceries. Riyaz's car caught fire and is beyond repair. Poor guy is so sad, wish I could help him out in some way. He really worked very hard to buy that car. Well, hope he gets a new one soon cos he needs it for work. ok I'm rather incoherent right now, got a few things to settle. Like:
1) Who to ask to sell stuff at the fleaflyflo flea market this sat
2) send email out to mentors
3) type out mins of mtg for RC
4) buy air ticket for australia trip
5) plan australia trip
6) start applying for jobs
7) etc etc etc

I need to resume my yoga classes! I shall try to go for one tmr, Inshaallah! (Shall sleep by 130am, I SHALL!)
ok toodlesss!

Don't blame Saatchi & Saatchi for an inevitable outcome

2010-05-13T21:37:00.002+08:00

I think its hilarious that ad agencies are blamed or praised for the outcome of political campaigns. In fact, imho, I think advertising plays only a small role in the success of many campaigns or sales even. Take the Birtish elections for instance, Saatchi & Saatchi has been blamed for Gordon Brown's loss in the elections. Ok seriously, did he think he'd win again? After all those scandals? I doubt it really. After 13 years of Labour rule, it clearly seemed that public sentiment was rooting for change. ("change' seems to be the magic word in world politics today huh). So yes, my point is, no even a brilliant ad/marketing campaign can save you when you can't deliver.

2010-05-13T13:26:00.001+08:00

he inflates my heart. :)

Tired, hyper, falling sick but happy

2010-05-10T04:53:00.004+08:00

Hi there! Its 4:53am and yet I'm feeling a bit hyper. Its obvious my sleeping clock is screwed up. Think the 2 panadol-Extras I just took are already working. (feeling a flu coming my way, and gosh, I DON'T WANNA FALL SICK.)

Went to Auntie Maleha's newborn grandson's ceremony today. Then to Bubu's house and finally to Bakar Nana's house. Ate tons of oily food (nasi briyani, soft drinks, PANDAN O-TEA (pish, remember this? haha) curry puffs, sugee cake,murtabak and more. No wonder I'm falling sick.

Ok, got a busy day ahead tmr/later. Gotta post some letters, head for more action-packed classes at true Yoga (this is my ideal plan la but we'll see.) then meet Angela for site recce at Hyflux and finally go for MPS to catch up with my beloved mentor. You know, sometimes I wonder why I'm doing all these things at this young tender (23-tender or not?) age, and whether its all worth it and then I realise that hell yeah, I'd rather be busy and try to fully maximize every minute of my life doing smtg fulfilling than be a free slacker with too much time on her hands. Hmm. But yes la, trade offs will always exist, but still, on an overall, I'm happy where I'm at at this point in my life, so Alhamdulillah. Ok, I shall go try to salvage and 'repair' that screwed up sleeping clock right now.

PS: I have a Her world photoshoot on tuesday and its eggcitingg! :) more updates soon.

I'll fly you to the moon and back

2010-05-09T02:20:00.004+08:00

I'm sticky wicky. I wanna bathe. I'm excited for the Aussie-NZ trip but at the same time a bit anxious. Hmm. I really wish I was much richer. Then I could easily afford a trip to Europe and the US too or smtg. Sigh, someday, Inshaallah. :)

Yes, such an incoherent post I know. But still. I'm uploading my bday pics on fb as we speak. You know sometimes I think, fb is sucha complete waste of time, especially when you devote time to checking for updates or constantly updating stuff there (posts, pics, comments,etc). Then again, it definitely is a way to exchange views and enhance one's knowledge about the world. Like last wk, I found out (through FB) that Botak Jones has a halal outlet at Simpang Bedok! See, these kinda things make FB a worthy investment of one's time. And yes, I would very much like to go to Simpang Bedok's Botak Jones soon! :) I WILL!

Anyway, just because my mind's in disarray (that rhymes babay! ok ok I shall stop): I wanna share a quote I came across sometime ago: "Intelligence is no guarantee of wisdom". And I agree.The wisest people may not necessarily be the smartest but they probably have a better world-sense and more experience that will aid in decision-making processes. Hmm, just food for thought.

2010-05-08T23:07:00.006+08:00

My feet are sore, walked way too much yesterday and today. Had my first 2 classes at True Yoga yesterday, they were the night dance classes at Ocean Towers and they were really fun! I have to admit being a complete lost sheep during the first class, jumping right when everyone would turn left, kicking to the side when everyone would sashay, yes you get the picture, I was LOST. Everyone else seemed to know the dance routines so well, its as if they've got it detailed at the back of their hands! The instructor would play a new song, and automatically like robots, they'd shake, move in such a synchronised fashion that it was both fascinating and humorous to watch. The instructor came up to me too to tell me its ok if I was lost this time round but that in time, I too will pick it up, so yes you can imagine how much I must have stood out. haha.

Ok, so then, today, went to this wedding in Tampines. Then had to rush to try to make it to the OCBC bank in Ion Orchard which apparently closes at 7pm from Mon-Sat. AND I MISSED IT BY 5 FREAKING MINUTES LAH. SUCKS OR WAD. :(( Haiz, sucks.

2010-05-04T01:15:00.002+08:00

I just read someone's blog, and sadly I was referred to as that "fellow" in a most hateful way. I was tempted to msg her, to say that I know nothing I say will make her feel better but that I still do hope that she will be ok and that I am here if she needs me. But I realise, nvm la. Nothing I say will help. Maybe its best that she hates me, as long as she can be happy. I think teh best is just to stay quiet and pray for her from behind the scenes. Haiz. Its still sad btw, cos I don't deserve such hatred and vile curses against me. To be honest, I was re-reading my blog entries since I last broke up, and that entire year when I was neither here nor there with Kai, with my status with her totally unstable, nearly all my entries were hellish and depressing. Basically I transformed from this cheery happy go lucy person into a drary sad depressed girl, and I realise that I had paid my dues. Told Susu about it too, and I think its time I moved on. I'm glad I can. She ever cursed me, saying that she hopes I would someday feel what she felt, and gosh that hurt. Cos no matter how much you hate someone, I don't think you should curse that person. But its ok, I will tawakal to Allah, but I really believe that i paid my dues. If she wants to misunderstand, then so be it. I wish her well, still.

2010-04-29T14:42:00.000+08:00

wants to go running later. MUST. WILL. CAN. SHOULD.

my blogging mojo has been resuscitated. :)

2010-04-29T03:34:00.005+08:00

I love the new layout of my blog. The old one just totally disincentivised me from blogging if you know what I mean. The font was too tiny, at time illegible cos of the weird colour and the posts cramped oddly in a corner. This is WAYYYYY BETTER! Totally revived that blogging mojo man! :D Which is why this is the third entry within a span of hours. Which is a Guinness record by my standards!

ok so what shall I blog about now?

I'm supposed to be reading up on my Soft power reading now, by Joseph Nye.

Anyway let me chart my plans for tmr, here:
1) Wake up at 640am, pray.
2) Bathe, go school.
3) Revise till like 2plus or 3 then go pray. (must complete economic & Coercive diplomacy readings)
4) revise again (Complete crisis reading)
5) 5plus: go pray Asar
6) Revise (Rationality & Bureaucratic politics)
7) Do 1-2 practice qns/papers.
8) Go home.
9) Sleep by 12midnight. (MUST!)

Then paper on Friday at 9am. Inshaallah, may Allah guide me through this paper, Amin.

Then after that hang around till like 2 plus or so in school just to wait for susu to appear n meet her at Clementi MRT. Can't wait to see her!! =D

Then Sat: I have this family function thing (to celebrate my cousin Rina's coming-of-age ceremony. hahaha
Maybe join the YWLC girls for the website meeting too.

Sunday: Meet Rahs at Eunos MRT for tea at 120pm like that, hang out for 1-2 hours. Nadzi wants to pass me her membership card at True Yoga for complimentary classes & gym usage for the next 2 months (May & June!!!) So cool right! Cos she'll be occupied with her exams. Shiok! Can't wait! :D
Tuition at 330pm.

Then I'm like FREAKING FREE already lah! I feel like applying for an internship ah, just for the fun of it. hmmm~ Oh, and I saw THE JOB OFFER of the century! (OK I dunno why I'm so dramatic right now, but it sounds way too cool lah. position of Management Trainee for 2 years or so at BHP Billiton and they'll train you in various roles in line with a programme planned by the Uni of Melbourne. AND AND, you'd either be based in Hague or Singapore, awesome or wad! Hague u know! Netherlands! :D I am SO going to apply!

Old, much? (Already?!)

2010-04-28T23:02:00.004+08:00

Wow, I was just reading my blog entries from 2007 & 8, and I REALLY do feel so much older. Where has all that zest for life gone to?
Read this for instance: The younger, cooler, funnier & zestier me!

Ok, I pray that this has got nothing to do with growing old and grey but all to do with this last exam paper. Yes yes, it must be. (It better!!)

PS: on another note, Ri hasn't called me yet. Lets see if he keeps to his contract. (Refer to pic in 2 entries ago) :D

(One) Exam Blue(s)

2010-04-28T22:22:00.004+08:00

I have one last paper this friday (not for life la, for this sem, but still..) YEAY! :) Its for my foreign policy & diplomacy module. I actually really did enjoy this module. Its been what, 4 months of studying it, 13 weeks or so of exposure to political science and yeah, I definitely have learnt much. Like one of my readings today revealed that the Women's suffrage rights campaign started in 1848 and by 1930, 20 Western Countries have granted these rights. Following which, over the next 20 years till 1950, 48 other nations followed suit. This proves 2 things; (1) that NGOs can be highly powerful and influential. Cos most of the smaller, developing countries granted women suffrage rights only after domestic human rights groups rallied from support from these large transnational NGOs (who will then in turn lobby for support ) & pressure their own govts to pressure those developing govts. Amazing huh, one long indirect process but mission accomplished! (2) That Norms are still relevant in policy making, contrary to what realists believe.
Realists are all for the need to maximise utility &power and discredit the need for normative & ideal concepts. (This came about in the 1970s-80s especially,in line with the increased push by economists for the need to measure utility.) So, realists tried to measure power in terms of material wealth. Let's face it, sure, wealth is an important aspect in measuring a country's influence and standing in the world, but clearly not the only one right?

There are 4 instruments of foreign policy can be used to influence the actions & behaviour of other FP actors (which includes both states & non-state actors), and they are:
1) Military
2) Economic instrument (Trade agreements, quotas, tariffs, embargoes,etc)
3) Propaganda: To influence not just the domestic public but also foreign publics
4) Soft power: Using culture and other normative concepts to advocate certain behaviour
So clearly material wealth is but one form of power, though arguably the strongest form of power.

Okay, if you can't tell already, this is me trying to revise for my paper. :) hehe. But returning again to the topic on women's suffrage rights. Imagine, it took close to a century before women could truly claim to be equals, but that too just "officially". The fight still persists and glass ceilings are still commonplace and permeate societies. Its amazing isn't it? I know I'm beginning to sound like a Femi-Nazi here but think about it, all that campaigning, rounds of negotiations to persist and claim for equalityand today, we're basking and relishing the fruits of their labour. Really oughta be grateful. :) And continue to prove to all that we do indeed deserve equality and can do as well as our male counterparts.

Here, a picture to commemorate their efforts! :)

Source: http://americancivilwar.com/women/Womens_Suffrage/womens_suffrage_summary.html

Ok, that's all from me today! =)

2010-04-26T05:35:00.002+08:00

so funny.
today, I realise that he likes to type his name in caps (like all e time)
that he's very driven esp. by the need to get fame n glory
very egoistic
he plans ahead n is such a rational thinker, its scarily a bit cunning. (very very self-oriented n a clear long term strategist)

2010-02-19T21:37:00.002+08:00

Its been some time. For those who are wondering (if you're still amazingly tuned in, that is), I havent really been on a hiatus. I have been blogging, just that nowadays, I have reserved most of my entries and saved them as drafts, instead of publishing them. Also because life been an emotional rollercoaster in the past few months. Things are better now, much clearer, and happier(?) even. Hmm, so what's new? Tomorrow I'll be going for Chingay +CityAlive (the street bash after Chingay) from 630pm onwards with the ywlc peeps. I'm slightly behind in my readings, have 2 or maybe 3 mid terms this coming week and I NEED TO DO WELL! (side-note, check out this awesome mix by DJ Andrew, one of the DJs who'll be there tomorrow at the CityAlive party: http://www.cityalive.sg/)
Okay, just some food for thought, was wondering whats up with the Anwar's sodomy trial, and did some googling, and here's what's new, if you're wondering.
Some interesting thoughts here: http://globalvoicesonline.org/2009/07/11/malaysia-anwar-ibrahim-sodomy-trial/

I particularly like the comments and views by Farish Noor here: http://www.thenutgraph.com/article-4361.html
He questions on how despite the wide prevalence of anal and oral sex, Malaysia can be considered to be backdated or 'antiquated' in today's time and age. Personally, I don't think its so much an issue of time and age, as it is of whats real and not. I would believe that anal or oral sex was probably as widely practised as far back in history as we would dare to venture as it is now, of cos I have no evidence, but hey, why the hell should we think otherwise? Wrt Anwar's sodomy trial, what's clear is, to me, its a clear political set-up, and I do hopw that the Malaysians see likewise too. Cos ultimately, the point is, whether or not he's gay/ has strange fetishes/weird by any societal norms, what's important is that will be inconsequential when it comes to leading a country. Yes, I do believe that some will most certainly beg to differ, peraps the idea of having a Gay/bisexual PM say for instance can be discomforting, but hey, why so? Are they more likely to squander off public funds, or less likely to develop their countries on the international front? You would have to agree that being gay/sexuality won't have anything to do with that, no link really. Frankly, if you think about it, of course no one really gives a hoot about what Anwar does behind closed doors, but perhaps the fact that he has in the history of Malaysia been successful enough to at least forge an opposition front to contest the already weakened Barisan Nasional has earned him the alarming attention of his political rivals, and made him yet again, the scapegoat and pawn in yet another strategic attempt to dislodge him. Even if he were to win the trial, and clear his name, what would that mean to the masses? Poor Anwar, I really do think he's been set up.

Other news: US-Tibet talks are according to China, going to severely impact on US-China relations. Personally I don't see what China's problem is. Sure, you're damn important, possibly the world's next hegemon and economic superpower, sure sure, so? Just because you've got problems with your Tibetan neighbour doesnt mean the rest of the world must follow suit. Grow up. Sheesh.

2009-12-26T02:02:00.003+08:00

ok i'm watching this christmas movie, dunno what its called, cos i tuned in halfway through the movie. Oh, its called His & Her Christmas. and its those typical 'lets-celebrate-christmas-with-our-loved-ones-cos-life-is-beautiful-and-because christmas is about love and family' kinda movie. And I guess christmas does do that to you, regardless of race or religion really. (at least it does here in Singapore) You can't help but feel moved by it sometimes, especially if you have been guilty of it yourself, of letting yourself be occupied completely by work. and then theres the other typical theme of christmas movies, which happened to be the same theme of that movie i just mentioned. the i'm single and lonely and i have been so occupied with the notion of material success that i feel so sad suddenly during christmas only because this is christmas and everyone non-loser has a spouse or a special someone or at least a family to celebrate it with. even if you did return to your family for christmas, (like all families will during any major festival), they'll ask you why ur still single. like as if it isnt bad enough when you ask yourself that sometimes. when you look around at all the lovey-dovey couples around and ur attached friends and start wondering what it is that they have that you haven't got. And how you justify your preferences. like all i want is a decent, smart enough, pleasant looking funny guy whom i can click with. is that too picky or fussy i ask you? or too choosy? i doubt it really. reminds me of what Leen said the other time when we had this small conversation about how she's still single and I, like all other people immediately popped the question (no i didnt propose of cos) i asked her if she was too choosy/picky. and she gave an answer that i could relate with. Her exact reply was "well it isn;t like I have a whole long queue of guys to choose from". and yeah thats exactly my case too. I mean i'm wad, 22 and I already think I'm facing this same problem. Its common don't you think? How we like to assume that someone who's single is the one who'e choosy, who's picky, or fastidious. Why don't we ever consider the possibility that well just maybe there's aren't many to choose from anyway? that maybe those who are available, those who happen to be interested are the ones we can't go out with just bacuse we don't click and it has nothing to do with being fussy. in fact if the decision of not going out with someone because you cant click wth the person or because you cant see yourself with him is regarded as fussy, then its sad right? cos that would mean u need to change all your preferences for someone special just because you shoul;dn't be single. or maybe there needs to be less of an emphasis on the need to be attached. cos it isnt a crime to be single. but of cos i do believe that we're all made to have a special someone. its how we're made biologically, there is the physical need to be with someone. that's just one aspect of cos, there's also the spiritual need to connect with someone, and the emotional need to share that special close bond with someone. so its kinda like a whole thing, and I think there's also the formula to finidng your Mr. or Ms. Right. He/she has got to be able to connect with you on all levels, and on every aspects, there definitely has to be a balance of cos, but i guess thats exactly how u can get a relationship to last and work. else, it'll just end in a separation OR you just stay single till you meet your jigsaw puzzle piece. :)
Speaking of which, where is my other jigsaw piece??

2009-05-21T15:50:00.003+08:00

ARGH! I am so irritated! So, Kris Allen won after all. America, WHAT HAPPENED?! But I wouldn't say I'm all that shocked or surprised, in competitions where votes decide who wins or who gets booted, you're bound to have such unfair results. That's alright, we all know how successful Adam will be anyway. I am buying his first album, and obviously boycotting Allen's. Haha!! You know whats so sad! I woke up at 8am contemplating on whether or not to walk over to my aunt's place (which is a few block away) to catch American Idol, before deciding (with a heavy heart to just doze back to sleep) and catch teh later episode. And now, I just realised Channel 5 aired it at 8am as well!?! How sad is that! Ok, nvm, it doesnt matter, I'm gg to catch either the 6pm one on star world or the 10pm one on channel 5.

Here's a picture of my Idol.. :)

Anyway, I got an Internship at PSA! :D I'll be starting tomorrow, and end on the 7th of August. But here's the catch, its an Accounting internship! Initially I was told it was a Finance internship, so I was mentally preparing myself, trying hard to remember all the finance terms we went thru during FNA2004 but now I realise its an acctg one. But they seem ready to train me, so I'm open to the idea myself. :) Its ok to learn anyway. Working hours are 830am-630pm from mondays to thursdays and 830am-530pm on Fridays. I am excited, and the most important thing is to go with an open mind and learn as much as I can.

Ok, gtg now, will update soon!

2009-05-02T01:52:00.001+08:00

life's a hindi movie la. just one with never-ending sequels.

2009-04-24T01:55:00.002+08:00

nobody said it will be this hard. Haiz, sometimes its pointless to talk about how u knw time will heal everything, cos that doesnt remove the pain u feel at this point, this instant, this very beat. it still sucks, cos its a pathetic way of taking ur mind off the pain when in reality, you're still miles away from that point. But I wanna share ur happiness. Sometimes I think its karma, how life jst turned to give me back all Idid intentionally or not. But then I am reminded, at least I had the guts to be honest. I had the guts, and that makes me feel better, and that makes me hate u a bit. I don't even know if she knows what the hell ur doing. Its unfair to her. all a masquerade, everything. no matter what kinda shit ur in, u dun have the right to do this-not to me, not to anyone.

2009-04-22T11:27:00.001+08:00

just gotta deal with it.

2009-04-15T00:37:00.003+08:00

its the little things that matter, that you remember

so today I had the most mentally-exhausting and over-worked 5.5 hour project meeting ever. T'was for my Consumer Behaviour module, for which my grp will have to present this Friday. Excited and yet a tad scary, cos marketing classes are always oh-so competitive! Like there's this extra need to stand out, to be the most creative team, with the cleverest questions and the coolest and chic-est(is there such a word) presentation! But, I do enjoy them all lah, nvm the fact I always seem to under-perform! :/ le-sigh. Yday, I visited my aunt from melbourne who's in sg again till this thursday and I managed to catch up with her cutesy three little kids. My favourite one now has GOT to be the youngest one, this 1 yr old Isha! She is gorgeous and as smiley as a baby/toddler you can get! She was laughing and smiling at everyone and everything. And if she likes you, she'll crawl over to you and put her cheek on your lap, so ultra adorable! :D We were feeding her a bit of keropok and then she started doing her flying kick thing, haha and I kept her amused for quite some time with the peek-a-boo trick. I swear i works with every baby! Gosh, I really hope to see her soon before she leaves (if i can sneak in some time in between all that work, that is!)

On another random note, grandma has cooked this whole pot of dhal in a matter of minutes! She's amazing la, I can never go hungry with her around. Ok, see now, I gtg prepare my slides for my feminism presentation tmr! feel like pasting my whole report here. Probably will tmr. :)

Okie, anyway this is a note to myself and to anyone else who reads this. Never depend on anybody. Least of all a person who seems to doubt you and to whom, u sometimes don't matter. Remember the important ppl who love you, who have never had doubts, or who never had to choose when it comes to you. Safeguard urself emotionally, cos ultimately, we're all alone at the end of the day.

2009-04-08T19:45:00.002+08:00

original philosophy

kyra says:
i do hope that u will be able to change ur midset soon
kyra says:
n appreciate the love n beauty of ur life, n restore ur faith in Allah
kyra says:
honestly bcos there will be a rainbow after the rain
kyra says:
even tho now its a thunderstorm+ typhoon+ tornado +tsunami
kyra says:
the sun will come out once again
kyra says:
but u gotta stop staying underneath ur broken umbrella
kyra says:
n look out for the Sun
kyra says:
ok that sounds funny actually
kyra says:
oye cool not my philosophy

xyz:
yeah yeah cool

HAHAHA, original philisophy yo.

2009-04-05T20:55:00.002+08:00

Life plans!

it should be obvious by now that I am utterly distracted, but I just had this urgent urge to blog about my life plans here. Of course, blogging about them here will not guarantee that these will all go according to plan, but at the very least, I know I have somewhere I would like to head to. So first things first, I intend to graduate by next year July with a Second Uppen Honours atleast, Inshaallah.
After July 2010: I hope to spend about 1-3 months to travel for a bit, hoping to go to Germany and maybe do a Europe tour if my time (and monetary) budgets permit.
So that will be somewhere in August-October 2010: Hopefully I would have landed a job by then, ideal job will of course be a Consultant job in some cool consultancy firm like BCG or McKinsey. But because life has taught me to be realistic, I'm hoping for atleast some Marketing or HR managerial post in the exciting FMCG industry.
2014-2015: Goodness golly, I will be a heartwrenching 28 by now! I hope that I would have gained enough experience to start my own business venture, perhaps somehting small like a Cafe. And IF i still haven't settled down by this time (meaning family-wise: i.e. getting married n having kids), I'll be re-applying to the consultancy firms AGAIN.
2019: I really ought to get married by now! (I'll be 32!)
2020: And have at least 1 kid by now! (I'll be 33!)
2021: I'm hoping that my business venture (whatever it turns out to be), will be successful by now, meaning I would have atleast be making substantial profits, and starting to open newer outlets. Perhaps one in JB.

Okay, I think I'll stop here. Thats 12 years worth of plans Not too sure if these are rather ambitious/ far-fetched/impractical, but three things that I'm atleast certain about are:
1. I really would like to try a consultancy job!
2. And start my very own business venture someday! Hopefully with my trusted uni friends like Has & Hui Ling!
3. AND yes, I really do wanna get married, but not to just anyone, to Mr. RIGHT! Damn, where is HE?!

Haha, okay, totally random, but putting ur thoughts and life plans on paper really does help in a lot of ways. It sets you thinking abot what you really want in life, so that at the end of the day, you have some kind of ideal you're working towards. Things like that are important if you ask me, cos its easy to lose yourself in the rat race we're all in. Ok, I'm done, lets go get 'em! :D

2009-04-05T19:04:00.002+08:00

I feel so blah. my favourite person is fast becoming my least favoured person. And that shall be a topic for another day. I miss my friends, I really do! Specifically susu, mairah, juju, nadz, Hani, adibah, adilah, huda and everyone else. I wish I was those kind who could just whip out my phone n give them a call. But I'm not, I'm the 'lets-meet-and-chat-kind. Haha, random entry, and I need to start typing out my CB report. Anyhow, just as a side note, I'm doing this essay on this really cool topic for my Arts Gem- Economic Issues of the Developing World, and it concerns the mistreatment of Women. Do you personally think that women are more mistreated in the developing world than in the developed world? I think there's no clear straight answer, cos although all forms of 'physical' mistreatment (i.e. abuse, rape, slavery, prostitution, etc) are more apparent in the developing world, I think females in the developed part of the world still face discrimination in many aspects- job opportunities, sports, politics, etc. But of course, things are improving, we have our very own first Singaporean Female Minister, thats for one! =D Makes me proud, and I'm very sure she's very capable. Met her before, and she exudes a calm aura around her, and she's really down to earth, I must add.

Well, I'm doing more research on this paper, and I'll let u knw my conclusion. :)

2009-04-03T21:09:00.003+08:00

sleepless insights

Haven't had sleep in 26 hours now, cos I was rushing my CB individual report the whole of last night-morning. Really tired, but I hope it'll be worth it! CAM Quiz 2 tmr from 10-12noon. Who would have though, today marked the last 'formal' seminar style class for CAM, wk after next will mark teh start of the presentations. Boy will I miss Prof Cheng, she was a vivacious character, full of laughter. Anyhow, was discussing with my adorable CP mates just now about our E50 project, and sometimes I think we girls can get a bit too meticulous and long-winded. Meetings drag on for atleast an hour or so, when things could have been more efficiently handled. But I love my team nonetheless, today we brainstormed decided on what we had to do next. We've got a plan, we're politically correct and still productive and insightful. And if what Dung says is correct, I suspect we're one of the most efficient CP teams under Prof. Hum! But yes yes, no room for complacency now. Gotta keep marching! This is my first entry of what would be a series of random CP updates, cos apparently we're supposed to keep a log book of our emotions, ideas, etc etc along the 2 sems that we work with each other. Anyway, I'm truly glad I've got this team, seriously! =)

2009-04-01T20:13:00.002+08:00

head vs. heart

I have Apollo biscuits and Cowhead peanut butter biscuits that Hui Ling 'cop-ed' for me from in front of the MBA room where they have free snacks n coffe/tea for their students, so cool for wad! We undergrads also pay fees wad, give us free snacks too lah. Haha..Anyway, I'm seated right outside Conference room C in NUS (if u knw where that is). No one else is here (its 8:18pm yo), my project grp mates left a long time ago, and I can only hear the distant chattering of the MBA grads in the closed room next to me. I actually feel much happier, cos I'm speaking to Kai once again. Hani, looks like this is NOT the real 'break up point' then. hahaha. But I'm glad, if u had a choice, wud u rather choose the painful path or the one that makes u happy? When I put it that way, of cos the latter wins hands down right? And thats all it means to me right now, just that, a simple choice between being happy n not, nevermind about the future, nevermind about the past, its now. And yup, needless to say, my heart won in this round of the head vs. heart battle. And I'm glad. =)

2009-03-29T21:56:00.001+08:00

i got the reply. you made me feel worthless and unwanted at that point. fuck it hurts

2009-03-29T01:55:00.002+08:00

Wow, for the first time in a long time, I cried. Felt good, but as always when I cry, I suddenly feel like my heart's been ripped apart and all the pain every soul that has wandered on earth has felt comes gushing in. It becomes heavy, and oh-so very weak. Doesn't help that I've been watching videos on Jacqueline Suburido on youtube earlier today. [she's been totally disfigured after her tragic car accident caused by a drunkard]. Anyway, I know I don't say this often, or maybe my actions don't speak all that loud enough, but when its about you, I would do close to anything too. Sometimes its sad that you still haven't realised that, but then again I guess who can blame you, I am partly responsible for all ur pain. Maybe I'm in denial, maybe its a lot of things, but you mean a lot to me. So please don't forget that. Gosh, since when did I evolve into this emotional fool. No lah, always had it, just beneath the surface.

Haha. I read ur blog just now, nearly every past entry (after what you told me), and yeah, I realise you mention me a lot, in fact if I were to ever get a Biography of myself done, ur blog would be my first resource I swear. But that aside, I learnt one thing; how much I meant/mean(?) to you and its moving. And then I saw ur fb profile's quote: something about how its too late, and things will never be the same again cos ur not perfect, and I guess (I dunno, I could be wrong), but I guess that was directed at me. So okay, maybe you don't have the courage to say this to me, to my face or maybe ur still damn confused but gently evading the truth that u probably want me gone. And then I checked the pics, and I saw a couple with her. Many things came to my mind just then but I'll reserve my comments, though I must say I think we looked better together. I'm uncertain about a lot of things, and I'll wait for a reply tmr. Just don't ever ever keep me in the dark, I don't deserve that, please.

2009-03-27T19:17:00.000+08:00

its becoming a bit too painful. :(

2009-03-14T01:24:00.002+08:00

its all changing and its (not) all good

When you feel down and low, what would you do? Me, I usually would talk to kai and get her to help me sort my feelings out. Lately though, or today especially, it seems like that option no longer exists. It doesn't feel the same somehow. On the one hand, its partly what I wanted, for her to move on with everything, and yet on teh other hand, I'll miss this whole thing completely if things really were to change. So, when I'm down, I just have to deal with it myself somehow. Cos Kai, she's been my best friend, confidante, companion all this while and I'll miss her. =( Happy Birthday to you.

2009-03-08T00:57:00.001+08:00

Move on already khairah. Work-wise. Sheesh.

2009-03-06T20:01:00.006+08:00

Momentary reprieve

These days, I'm too busy, I feel a tad too busy and guilty to be blogging. But, self-reprieve is necessary, and like Senior Minister of transport and Finance Mrs Lim Hwee Hua said, we women (or girls) shouldn't feel guilty when we take time off for ourselves! In fact, thats the only way we can strike that balance when it comes to juggling the myriad of responsibilities-work, family, life, passion and hobbies. I sound a tad too old already, but its true, I'm feeling the pains of juggling already, and one can only expect this to get worse, but one (i.e. I) will not let that dampen my spirits and hope for the future in anyway.

Anyhow, I just went for this recruitment talk by this oil and gas consulting company, Schlumberger , This talk did lend highly insightful findings on the oil and gas market, but the highlight of the evening (not necessarily the best one though) was when we found out they only prefer Engineering candidates OR MBA grads. Seriously. Why invite BBA students then?! Haha, but well, its all in the attitude really. Anyway I did learn a great deal aout the oil and gas industry, like the fact that its facing the lowest demand in years, and how this is some critical, unprecedented times for those within this industry. Forecasts were positive though, and they of course expect the industry to jump right back up when the economy starts looking better, and demand shoots right back up again. In fact they're predicting based on what has happened in the past before (in the aftermath of the Asian Financial Crisis for instance) that the supply will start slacking during any crisis, cos the lowered demand and reduced revenue usually lead to large cuts in investments, which will serve to curtail supply, that could very well send supply shocks once the economy recovers and demand as I said earlier, shoots right back up. Interesting really.

Though, personally, on hindsight, I am put off that they may think that BBA graduates aren't competent enough to handle consultancy jobs. In fact, I am put off by all consultancy firms who think that way. It shouldn't be your qualifications (I mean not totally atleast),it should be one's ability to analyse the industry, the trends and put data from seemingly unrelated aspects to come up with real issues and solutions to deal with problems that matters. So, give us a chance!

Okay, just as a disclaimer, I am sure that consultancy companies do look out for outstandingly bright candidates (nvm if they're just graduates with a Bachelor's degree) but its the inherent assumption that BBA students are not on par as MBA students that I disagree with. Why I think so?

Honestly, because many MBA students had no business or economics background prior to their MBA studies, and many MBA programmes (especially the executive types), are based on the very same curriculum that BBA undergrads take for twice as long (4 years)! So you tell me, why shouldn't BBA graduates be considered on par, if not better than some MBA graduates?

Haha, as you can tell, I am aspiring to be a consultant someday. Its highly exciting don't you think, to be able to put yourself in the shoes of another company, help analyse, study, learn before helping to turn around the situation and make a real impact in not just one company (your own) but in that of the many clients you work with.

I shall strive for the best, Inshaallah! =)

Anyway peeps, just for your info, if you're a fan of sushi, go get the sushi at Ramen Ten (West Plaza Mall) the new one next to Clementi MRT station. The sushi on the conveyor belt is going at 99cents per plate! (White plates only though, but still! A darn good deal if you ask me! Till 31st March I think, so hurry!

Here are some photos I took that day (Ramen Ten should so pay me) :

Sushi on the conveyor belt. We were just piling them onto our table. 99 cents mah!

In addition to the whole sushi spread, we also had ramen! Thanks to the wonderful 50% off every ramen dish (we had 2 coupons lah!), we basically had a buy-one-get-one-free deal! We felt like ultimate super contented and bloated kiasu Singaporeans after that, nvm the whole Jap cuisine. ;D

2009-02-22T16:09:00.003+08:00

Hi guys! I just drank a cup of Bru Coffee and I'm gg to be an unusual high soon enough, especially since this cup was extra strong. =D Life has been great, Alhamdulillah. Had my first Quiz for Consumer Behaviour yesterday, and as usual work's piling up! Thats what recess week is all about anyway! I'll be having my MS mid terms the week after next so I'll have to start preparing for that. Really grateful that my MS tutor is this wonderful guy who's superbly helpful and friendly AND he speaks perfect English. Just the other day, Hani and I were discussing how so many of our uni mates couldn't hold a conversation/presentation, or write a report without making unacceptable grammatical errors along the way. The kind that make us cringe. Having done 3 years in Uni thus far, I'd have to concede to that fact. Its appaling really, how so many amongst us cannot write or speak decently. I know that implicit in this observation is the supposed claim that my English is better. Not trying to distinguish myself in anyway, I'm guilty of the few grammatical errors now and then too, but I would atleast catch myself right after that, just because it really sounds awful.

Oh another random observation. In the past, when you see someone muttering ro talking to himself, we'd clearly suspect he's suffering from some mental illness. These days though, you can never be too sure. You gotta watch out for the bluetooth earpiece, in built ear canal earpiece and such BEFORE jumping to that conclusion. Its hilarious how technology has progressed to the extent that it redefines our thoughts, thinking process and perceptions. Just the other day, my family were at Sheng Siong. My grandma and I being the two who had injured feet, stayed in the car. Then, this guy driving this huge lorry parked next to us. He came out and was chattering out loud. Wanting to give his sanity the benefit of the doubt, I naturally peered to the left side of the lorry to look at who he was talking to. After a while, it became apparent that there was no one else in the lorry with him. My grandma was unusually silent at that point. Knowing her, I clarified, "Grandma, please don't think he's mad, he has this bluetooth piece attached to his left ear." She was greatly relieved, and went "OHHHHH... I really thought he was crazy!" HAHAHA, she's so adorable!

Okay, back to work now. Take good care kids! OH YES! I got into the YWLC mentorship program I was talking about. Alhamdulillah, its such an honour to be part of this noble network that's filled with 29 other brilliant young ladies. Looking forward to meaningful friendships, contributions and bonds, Inshaallah! Women power! ;)

2009-01-27T14:22:00.003+08:00

Hop on, albeit the fractured right foot

In an unfortunate twist of fate, I am now the (not so proud) owner of a fractured right foot. How on earth did that happen?? Well, see, two people conspired to have a surprise meet-up at East Coast last Saturday (24th Jan), one of these master-minds is the one who's back from Down-Under for his tem break. OF course I was delighted to see him, but strangely enough, when its just us 3, luck takes a turn for the worse and inflicts its fury on innocent me. Mind you, this isn't the first time that bad luck hits me when we're togther. The first time was during our very first meet-up at Kallang Leisure Park where I lost BOTH my wallet and handphone. Could be my pure negligence, but I dunno, having fractured my foot on the second occasion is enough an unfortunate occurence to ring some warning bells in my head. The next time I see both of them together, I will make a 180 degrees turn, and RUN. I SWEAR. Haha, ok so now for the specifics of the incident.

We were at the breakwater rocks (my cousin keeps making a joke out of this, "Its Breakwater, Not Breaklake (pun on 'Break-leg'), and we were all fine and dandy, except when we were climbing down, and perhaps you could blame it on my ideal choice of footwear ( I was in 2.5 inches high wedges, but atleast its wedges and not heels, right?!) Wrong. I had my left foot firm on the ground when my right one suddenly lost balance and twisted and hit the side of it. I thought it was JUST a sprain, what with Kai and Riyaz re-assuring me that it will be "ALL ok by tomorrow", and even had to endure the massage from Kai, my grandma and this indonesian neighbour of ours, thinking 'no pain, no gain'.

My mum being the under-rated genius that she really is, insisted that I go for an X-ray, cos apparently all that massage had caused it to swell so much more, (it was starting to resemble a baby elephant's foot) and lo and behold, there is a 'hairline crack at the side of my right foot, aligned to where my baby toe is.. So now, I am in a cast, nagging-a-blogging here, and feeling a tad lousy and useless cos I can't help my grandma n mum out with all that housework, and worse still have to depend on them quite a bit when I go to the toilet etc. Ma's been such an angel, as she always is, bringing food to me, asking ppl over to cheer me up and holding me so tight everytime I do those 'hopping tricks' that involve 1) getting my left foot out of my bed room slipper and 2) into the toilet rubber slipper, 3) getting into the toilet and 4) doing my business, all on crutches.

The silver lining to this whole episode will have to be that it has been an eye-opener, when I think of the pain my elderly grandparents have and had to go through especially when their limbs and feet get sore, it pains my heart, cos it really can be unbearable and I can only but imagine the fate of those civillians whose lives turn topsy-turvy in just one night when they lose their limbs in a war, or soldiers who suddenly wake up finding their legs or arms missing. My heart goes out to every single one of them, cos even with JUST a fractured right foot, I know what it means to feel useless, to feel awfully guilty for having to trouble my loved ones, and for having all your plans go down the drain in a matter of minutes. But I thank you Allah, cos it could have been worse, and thanks for giving me people I can depend on even in such dire times. I'm sorry I blamed you in those first few days, please forgive me and give me the strength to take the lessons from this experience and putting it to good use, Amin.

There, one blogging experience, and I feel a whole lot better. Those who have read this, please do take care of yourselves too. See you guys soon, in 2 wks time, Inshaallah! :)

Big question is: Should I go for lessons in crutches or just skip? Hmmm..

2009-01-13T20:30:00.002+08:00

Stamp the bane of imporper resource allocation? Start with Tertiary Libraries!

Hey, here I am hoping to kill time while I wait for Kai to pass me the Management science textbook that she borrowed from the TP library for me. How sweet is that. :) But, seriously, latest edition books like that are lying away (feeling dejected) collecting dust on the shelves of some of the poly libraries whilst we Uni students have to freaking queue to borrow the very same ones and make sure we don't exceed the 2 hours of frantic photocopying, cos every single minute could well mean an imposition of a FINE. How sad is THAT. This is the crux of inequality and improper allocation of resources I tell you. Ironically, in the very same institutions that preach on the hows and whys we need to combat these trends. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against polys being well stocked nor am I ignorant of why there needs to be a 2 hour limit placed on such 'hot highly demanded books' -("to fairly distribute and circulate these books so that EVERYBODY will get a chance", I hear you, I hear you). But SURELY, there must be some more efficient way to allocate resources no? Perhaps extending membership of all tertiary students to every other library in singapore? Okay, perhaps there will be shortcomings, it will be an administrative nightmare to say the least, but no pain, no gain right? I am also perfectly aware that if this suggestion of mine miraculously finds its ways into teh grand plans of the schools, that this suggestion will come right back at me cos it could very well mean a even more severe shortage of books for us in NUS since now every other tertiary/poly prof or student could come in and help themselves. Yes, not ALL good, but like I said, something ought to be done, and given the amazing stuff we can accomplish with technology today, a surer and more efficient allocation of resources (i.e. BOOKS) can be achieved.
Kai's still not here, Grrr.

2009-01-01T21:29:00.002+08:00

Welcome 2009

I had to blog. Just cos the date on this entry will be 1st of January 2009. This new year doesn't feel like a grand new year to me anymore. Not sure why, perhaps cos the excitement of heralding a new year just died down with every passing year, and to say time flies is such a known cliche, its pointless repeating the obvious anyway. So here I am, at my laptop on New Year's Day pretty much oblivious to what life will throw my way in the span of the next 364 days n 2.5 hours or so, but brave enough to brace myself to face it all. So all the best to myself, and to every single one of us, may we have the courage to pursue our dreams, have enough luck and fortune to guide us there and have all the love and loved ones to buoy us up when things don't always go our way. Here's to a fulfilling and memorable 2009! Muackz! =)

2008-12-15T19:09:00.003+08:00

Life's little surprises

There's a kid below at the playground who's screamingggg "Hantu!" repeatedly, I'm getting freaked out. Haha, kids. Adorable lah. Anyway, so I'm off to vietnam (Hanoi, Ha Long Bay, Sapa, Hue, Ho Chi Minh) in about, let me see 11 hours from now! Wheeee! 10 days trip, I hope the next entry will be one that ravessss about how cool the trip has been. AND I hope I return in one piece. Amin. :) Stay good kids.

PS: Anyway with regards to the UBS Young Women Leadership Connection thing I mentioned in the previous entry, I received an email 3 days ago, which included an application form for those interested in the mentorship program, so YEAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!! Turns out that email was sent to everyone I think. The only reason I can come up with to explain that, is that everyone of us did a great deal of question-asking so it was probably hard to keep track of who asked what, and so they offered it to everyone! Just hope my application gets approved! :D

2008-12-11T18:03:00.003+08:00

Yours to hold and cherish

I wish I could have a one-liner for this entry which would be about that UBS Young Women's Leadership Connection thing, and if I could here's how it would sound- "I went, learnt and kicked ass". But sadly or not, this entry won't be a one-liner (as it obviously isn't already), it'd probably rake a few paras even.

So I went, a tad late,but not to worry, still in time for the mini reception before the dialogue. Was chit-chatting with a few girls when two of the Guests of honour ambled towards this small group of ours to mingle (read: make small talk AND assess us), cos know it or not, this whole dialogue thing was aimed at choosing a good 15 candidates (out of the 60) for a 3 mth- 1 yr long period of personal mentorship, probably by some minister or something. And I won't be discreet about this, OF COURSE I was vying for a spot in that mentorship program, not just cos the very idea of having a mentor is such a novelty, but really because I believed this could be a milestone of a stepping stone in helping me reach my leadership potential through the greater opportunities that one can associate with such networking groups. But I was perhaps one of the most dim-witted, un-interesting, shy and unconfident person of that evening, cos even with 2 reputable high-flyers in my midst, I was perhaps as interesting as the wallpaper in the room. OK, maybe a little more credit. As participative as those battery operated dolls whose scope of abilities extends little beyond, "ha ha ha, that's true, *nod, smile* ha ha ha". SHEESH.

Before I had any longer to rev up my wits and participate more, time was up, and we had to pile into the room for the dialogue. Mentally cursing my lack of social networking skills, I made my way into the room with a smile to mask that dissatisfaction.

But, the two speeches I heard that night were moving in their own right and brimmed with wisdom that made me realise so much. The two gest speakers, Ms. Grace, a State minister for Education (and something else) and Mrs Fang, the CEO of Great Eastern, if anything were truly inspirational. Mrs Fang. for one was one of the few speakers I've come across who had no qualms sharing really personal experiences that made her speech both fully enriching and sincere. I left that night, believing that although somethings won't go as you planned, you ought to hold your head up high, for the next opportunity that comes your way, and be the one person with unwavering faith for your self. It was a beautiful night, and although I may not get to the next round of this program, with this newly enforced self-belief and faith, I am certain that I will get far in life, Inshaallah. Bring it on!

2008-12-03T18:43:00.002+08:00

Feeling good

Birds flying high

You know how I feel

Sun in the sky

You know how I feel

Reeds driftin' on by

You know how I feel

It's a new dawn

It's a new day

It's a new life

For me'

And I'm feeling good

Fish in the sea

You know how I feel

River running free

You know how I feel

Blossom in the tree

You know how I feel

It's a new dawn

It's a new day

It's a new life

For me

And I'm feeling good

Dragonfly out in the sun

you know what I mean, don't you know

Butterflies all havin' fun

you know what I mean

Sleep in peace when the day is done

And this old world is a new world

And a bold world

For me

Stars when you shine

You know how I feel

Scent of the pine

You know how I feel

Yeah freedom is mine

And I know how I feel

It's a new dawn

It's a new day

It's a new lifeFor me

And I'm feeling good

2008-12-03T17:37:00.001+08:00

I think there's this fine line between being nice and being pathetic. I feel like elaborating, but I just realised I need to wrap my aunt's bday gift, so perhaps if this 'feeling' lasts, I will describe what transpired.

2008-12-01T01:40:00.001+08:00

I'm sorry for hurting you. Sigh. Maybe its retibution for what I put you through. I wanna carve out this thing right here too.

2008-11-29T13:56:00.002+08:00

I was on yahoo (my only source of news these days), and I was reading about Lo Hwei Yan, the Singaporean lady who was taken hostage by the cursed terrorists and killed. She was 28, a lawyer, and newly married. One link led to another, and I actually came across her friendster profile and saw photos of her wedding, her husband, her friends, her life. A life that was precious to her, precious to her family, her husband and friends, but a life robbed away mercilessly nonetheless by the heartless (insert any expletive here) militants. I feel so much pain, and I can only begin to imagine the pain her family must be undergoing at this very moment. Seriously, curse all terrorists. A plague on all your sects and groups. Fuck, life is so freaking unfair. :(

2008-11-29T05:18:00.002+08:00

if I'm gone

Hey there, its 5:18am, and I still can't sleep. So bored, I'm actually uploading random photos to facebook. Why do I even bother also I dunno. But well, I've started, so I might as well finish it la right. What? The uploading of photos lah. When you look at old photos though, it brings back a hell load of memories, the events that occured, the people you dealt with, the emotions involved, the effects of it, quite precious seriously. Hence, the saying a picture speaks a thousand words, I suppose. Just like scents. I was at Mustafa just now, and whilst sniffing out random perfumes, I came across this tester of an old perfume I used to use, Tommy Girl, and just one whiff, and memories of who gave it to me, those days in tkgs, and so much more came flooding back.. Its amazing really, how all ur senses really do work together to remind you of ur past.

My last paper will be on Monday, My SS paper, thats Singapore Studies btw.. the one about Singapore and India.. I will miss that class, for reasons I shall not say on a PUBLIC blog. Haha, and it was a good experience lah, nevermind all that drama from the fellow yindians. =)
Then tuesday, off to some meeting, wed will the hangout with the girls.. the rest of the week is pretty much settled. Tomorrow though I wanna runnnnnnnn, hope kai doesn't bail on me this time! Okay that's that. I should get some sleep. Take care peeps. OMG, I just realised not a single line in this post talked about what's happening ard the world today. the Mumbai attacks! The Bangkok airports' siege! Its history in teh making, a sad, dark period sadly..My goodness, and the recent news that a Singaporean lawyer aged 28 was killed in the Mumbai terror attacks. THAT sucks so much! My heart goes out to her husband, seriously. Sigh, this brings the whole issue about the prevalence of terrorism and how we need to limit its influence, but one can't help but ask if all of this may have been averted, if the 'war on terror' did not occur. then again, we're talking about terrorists- individuals who are fanatically irrational. I just hope that the future does not culminate into a series of darker days. You know, I just had the weirdest feeling that, I could be harmed in Vietnam and that this entry may be read by those who hear about my death. Freaky. And then there's the Mumbai Tata Internship that I've been all hyped up about. Scary part is, the interns are placed in the Taj Hotels lah! Yup, the very one that was attacked. Okay, I'll leave it to Allah, life is uncertain anyway, and like my grandpa said, "There's no difference between the lavatory and the cemetery, when you have to go, you have to go". :)

BUT, if I do go, (go as in really GO lah), whoever you are who's reading this post, I hope I've never hurt you in anyway, but if I did, intentionally or not, pls, out of the goodness of your heart, forgive me. Thanks. This is such a creepy entry. I SHOULD sleep. Goodnight, or rather morning! =)

2008-11-24T14:12:00.002+08:00

Eventhough its been a year since you left this world, I know in my heart, you're still here with us, watching over us, and amongst us. Ya Allah, I beg you, keep him safe and have mercy on his soul, cos my grandpa, he was my hero. :(

This is for my grandpa...

Did you ever know that you're my hero,
And everything i would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
For you are the wind beneath my wings.

It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
But i've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know i know the truth, of course i know it.
I would be nothing without you.

Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything i wish i could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
For you are the wind beneath my wings.

Did i ever tell you you're my hero?
You're everything, everything i wish i could be.

Oh, and i,
i could fly higher than an eagle,
For you are the wind beneath my wings,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.
Oh, the wind beneath my wings.

Thank you, thank you,Thank god for you, the wind beneath my wings.

Al-fatihah~

2008-11-19T00:19:00.003+08:00

perfectionist impractical me

Hello! Wow, I feel so relieved right now! Two major reports done! In a span of 2 days, but yeah knowing me, it was all last minute work. BUT, another ting you should know about me, is that I only give my best in whatever I do. Especially reports, I will go to great pains to ensure that everything is tip top be it the graphs, layout n content.. Which makes it hard at times cos there's this trade-off between the amount of effort you can put in given the short time u have left. But well, all done pronto! So yeay! I didn't sleep teh whole of yday till like 1plus this afternoon after completing my HRM report. Wee.
Anyway, Iraq has just signed a 23 year contract with CHina Petroleum and some other Chinese company which calls for the Chinese counterparts to increase the productivity of the IRaqi oil industry, and I applaud the move. If you can't do it well on your own, get the experts in. National pride and chauvinism isn't going to do anyone good. Which is another reason why I'm against the US Fed's call to bail out the 3 big auto giants. It is obvious that they have been inefficient in their production methods which calls for one thing, massive structural change, not short term financing. Sell them out to Toyota if need be. If there is any hope of achieving efficient production methods and boosting their profitability, Toyota I believe would be the best candidate. They are in a league of their own with their superior management style, highly lean Kaizen led production system and highly empowered workforce. Sure, there's the issue of 'national pride',but face it, national pride isn't going to be able to salvage you ten, twenty years down the road when you realise that you cannot match up to your competitors. This is the challenge of the globalised world, you either match up to your competitors and try to surpass them in terms of performance, but if you can't, you learn from them. If need be, mergers or buyouts should be allowed. So, good on Iraq for signing the service agreement with China. Let's hope the American Federal reserves makes a wise decision.

2008-11-17T18:57:00.002+08:00

Its been so long, I had to try 4 different passwords before I got the right one. And then I lost inspiration to blog. I feel bored beyond belief. Stuck in this library thats not too cold yet cos I've got a hella thick jacket on and now I wish I had someone to talk to cos all these ppl in this quiet room on the third floor are so quiet its killing me. and I wanna d smtg fun like drink coffee but the canteen's too far away and my laptop may get stolen in the process and of cos I could lug the laptop to teh canteen but two hundred steps with a 2+kg laptop and then a cup of hot coffee on the return trip is just too much trouble. can u tell i'm rambling. I have got two essays due, one at 1159pm tonight and another at 12noon tmr and I wun be sleeping basically. I am BORED. Ok bye.
WOW, it looks short though, thought it must have been 2 long paras already. SOMEBODY bring in the entertainment! :(

2008-09-27T05:30:00.012+08:00

F1 and life

Okay, its 530am on this saturday morning, and I just sahur-ed with grandma n my mum. And my mum's getting ready to go to work. I pity her really, like everytime I see her get ready to get to work so early in the morning only because she needs to support me and my grandma. Well, all that will end soon I hope, when I graduate and start working myself. Anyway, its been more than a month since my last entry, and I have no real reason to justify this MIA-ness besides the fact that I've been un-inspired to blog and well, crazy busy lahh. Just some snippets from my life in this past 1 mth ++ : Hyperjive!! Went well enough, Alhamdulillah! There were more than 100 participants atleast on a Sunday afternoon that wasn't the best of Sunday afternoons given that it was raining way heavily halfway. BUT, the majority of the participants stayed throughout and the feedback I got was definiteely heartening, so YEAY! The end of Hyperjive also marked the end of my term as Chairperson of the NUS Aerobics CLub, and boy am I relieved! NOt so much because it was tiring or what, but really because I needed to divert all my attention to my modules and the past whole yr as Chairperson did make me realise how sucky I can be when it comes to multi-tasking and juggling schoolwork and a CCA. But of course, my 'retirement' would only have been complete after finding good and credible successors, which I have been able to, Alhamdulillah! The candidates I interviewed were all very promising, some even vying for top positions such as Vice-chairperson, and that really does speak about their level of commitment I think. So Alhamdulillah for that too! And yes, the new Chairperson n Vice-chairpersons will be You you and Jia Min respectively, who were kind and passionate enough to take up the positions only cos they didn't want the CCA to be succeeded by total newbies. Bless their hearts. Haha, ok sooooo much of Aerobics lah. But that's that really since I'm retiringg.

So what else is new. Hmm F1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Louis Hamilton, Kimmi Raikonen, Felipe Massa! HOW! Met up with Thinzar, Irene and Jan yday for dinner at Swensens, Marina Square and we were lucky enough to actually get to see these hotties practise!! WAH LAO. I tell you the way the engines VROOOOMED, it'd totally win you over even if you were World's most ignorant and un-inspired person where F1 racing is concerned. But of cos they were practising in the practice cars lah, which means we didn't even get a glimpse of their helmets. Haha. But like I said, the exhilaration, the speed, the excitement, and the VROOOM, the echo it leaves, they all come together to give you this awesome experience lah. I WANT PASSES! SOMEBODY ANYBODY, GIVE THEM TO ME!

K come, let me show you some photos to add zest to my otherwise rather dead blog. =)

Irene and I

Thinzar & Jan

Okay, the following 2 shots will look like as if we were randomly posing next to some gate, which is not what it really is. DUH. Hahaha, those guys in those glowing semi-neon jumpsuits are really the timers for the practice racing sessions. WHAT ONLY LAH WE ALL. Hahahaha. DUnno if you can see the track la, but it IS DAMNNN brightly lit, seriously.

Told ya, if I didn't already put things into context, this pic would seriously look like I'm posing next to some random prison, with two convicts (in orange jumpsuits) in the background. Sheesh. Haha. K, this last pic of Irene will probably be most telling lah, that yellow graphic image is supposed to be a racing car lah. Haha, such random pics. Okay, how about Hyperjive ones! Yeayyyyyyyyyyy.

Like all beginnings, we start on a clean white slate. =)

But of course, it couldn't stay old boring white. So we relieved the secondary school days when overnight banners were just one of the many magic tricks we could whip in a flash. Of course,that can only be made possible if you've got the right kinda team. Here's us brainstorming on the design for the backdrop, hand-painted ya'll.

Here's Kendy putting some final touches on the gold 'trimming'.

End result!

Why I'm so poser, I don't know.

The goodie bags. Make that CUSTOMISED GOODIE BAGS. MUAHAHA.

Lucky draw gifts! 6 out of the 10 were surprisingly won by my friends. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW COME!

Registration booth

And, ACTION!!!

Spot the guy. There were a FEW guys atleast okayy. Kudos to them for breaking the stereotype.

Yours truly.

Yes,I talk a lot. :S

Lucky draw time!!

Some of the darling frens of mine (from left: adibah, me, mairah n nadz) who made time to support me. Love them! Other sweethearts who came include Jan, Irene, Thinzar, Kai, Huda, Syaf, Fahna, Farahin and many others. Thanks darls, love u ppl to bits, really!

Last but not least, I bring to you, the Organizing committee of Hyperjive 08. A good proper shot now.

We're bringing sexy back, yeahhh.

Honestly, I think we were all mentally and physically shagged by the end of Hyperjive (u can look at my near zombified face for proof), but the post-Hyperjive vibes were high cos wallah, months of planning, excruciating organising and stressing finally came to an end, on a good note too.

I've definitely learnt a lot from this whole experience. Not just matters that concern the planning of events, but a lot about myself; my leadership style, the way I work, the strengths of my comm members and our weaknesses too. The funny moments when you have participants sms-ing to find out if they can still sign up for 'SUPERJIVE!' (like seriously, how did hyper become super?!) and the crazy moments when we'd start laughing over the silliest stuff like teh packing of goodie bags, acting like softball players while we were at it, tossing and catching the packets of tidbits. The whining and stressed faces when we had to LUG, drag and carry TONNES of magazines from ulu ang mo kio and kallang all the way back to school (ok so we did take a cab, but we still had to carry them back to the sports club room which was far enough to give us backaches. And then the carrying of hundreds of goodie bags to the sports hall. I swear I had mini biceps after all that carrying and dragging. Can't htink of any one word that would describe it, so I'd just go with the cliche, All in all, it was some experience! :)

But I'm glad its over! Till the next Hyperjive! tataa~

2008-08-08T01:35:00.003+08:00

Oily estrogen-like isoflavones and what this has to do with sexism in politics & the economy.
PS: If I didn't already turn you off with that weird title, then cool. U must be intellectual.:) Btw, oily estrogen-like isoflavones have nothing to do with sexism la, then again, maybe they do.. hmm~)

Some recent headlines include (starting with the most attention-grabbing ones first): Soy reduces sperm count in Men. Okay, I will give a short summary on the findings. Soy contains isoflavones that act quite similarly to the estrogen hormone in females. So whilst it does help boost some physical activities in certain organs, it however, inhibits sperm production. That makes enough sense I suppose. It probably also means that all you male soy lovers, you're bound to be effeminate la. Okay, that last line was my own ridiculous (but come on!) derived conclusion.

Next: Oil prices have been declining, and fetched the lowest bid in the last 3 months at about 119.smtg dollars (US of cos). Economists have attributed this more to declining demand(!) factors rather than supply issues. I initially thought that was a good thing cos I mean hey, declining demand for oil has GOT to be good right? It just goes to show that we the consumers of the world have learnt to be thrifty and are starting to embark on more conservative lives (with lesser greed and needs, yadda yadda) but think again. Declining demand (especially that of the largest economy in teh World will have repercusions not just on the biggest economy of the world, but all that smaller dependant economies. Cos the US consumers contribute close to 67% of their GDP, and a decline in their consumption, will mean lower growth rates, which would mean lower import expenditure, which would mean lower income for countries like us (Yes,like us SIngapore) whose export income encompass 75% of our GDP. So, stop cringing or smirking everytime u hear about the other American ending up in debts. It is ironically their debts and ridiculously exorbitant lifestyles that keeps the world's economy floating ya'll. Okay, lets end this econs lecture. Next.

1 in 2 Singaporeans would accept a female President and 80% would accept a female Cabinet Minister. As I re-read this last sentence I just typed, I surprise myself really. Cos at the first glance, I am appalled that ONLY 1 in 2 (50%) would accept a female President. Then again, it is hard to imagine a female President, not so much because I doubt any female's abilities, but somehow the President figure has always undertaken the 'grandfatherly' image, so much so its just weird imagining a female President. So much for thinking I am a feminist. But its not so much sexism lah, (though the undercurrents of it may have close relation to that), its more of custom and what we're used to. Like imagine if it was the reverse, and that we've always had a female President instead, then the survey question would read quite differently of course, surveyng on people's receptiveness towards a male president. The other statistic, the 80% one is something I am in agreement with, even slightly saddened by. Why only 80%. Female Ministers will, I believe be amazing, especially so because given that its so rare, they're bound to be outstandingly good even before they can be considered. So, its still a sexist world. Not as much as it used to be of course, but still sexist. Yes, the last sentences were as usual my input to the matter.

Just in case you're wondering, all these headlines were those featured on yahoo.com.sg. It has filled the void of my otherwise outdated and World-unaware self. Though I find many of them a tad too influenced by the writer's subjective views. Un-avoidable though. Every piece of reported news is bound to reflect some-kind of opinion of the writer, unless its some financial stock market's statistical report I suppose. Then again even those type of reports involve a certain degree of analysis and interpretation which boils down to the writer's perspective, knowledge and experience. I guess when its too obvious that the writer is subjective, that's when the credibility of the article is questionable.

2008-07-31T15:43:00.003+08:00

K turns out TODAY is the last day of matriculation fair, and not yesterday. Sheesh. And I'm here at the booth, alone once again. I've already sent the banner for printing yesterday, and its due for collection already. I'm excited! Yeayy!! Double excitement today, no make that TRIPLE, cos I'll be popping by KK Hospital later to see my new lil niece and then rushing off to watch The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor in the evening. YEAYY. :D Okay, so anyway since I'm so bored and have about an hour or so before I pack up and leave, I shall post long overdue photos like those at:
1) Juz's surprise party at Kallang Macs (which was hilarious especially when we had to squeeze our large over-sized asses into those tiny coloured chairs, its a wonder they didn' break, heh)
2)Pish's 19th birthday at Sedap Corner (its this coolio, fantastica new restaurant at Simpang Bedok that boasts a cosy & classy ambience, n serves amazing hotel-worthy dishes).
3)My LAST day as an intern at Euromonitor International! =) Bitter-sweet feelings.

OH NO, I can leave now. sorry guys, wait for the photos, they'll be in the next entry! tata~=)

2008-07-30T14:10:00.004+08:00

boredom gets you a-bitching, no no I meant a-blogging

Hi guys, its been awhile, hasn't it? K I'm in school now for the Matric Fair, alone at the Aerobics booth, and its getting boringgggg. So I've decided to blog. There are no hot guys around today, seriously. I mean atleast if there were eye candy, it would help speed things up, no? Haha, BIMBO seh. No la, I just want ppl to BUYYYYYYY the Hyperjive tickets. Think I'll take Riyaz's idea aboput the 'Spin the wheel' thing at the next registration booth. Like Spin the wheel with every purchase of a Hyperjive ticket and stand to win goodies!! Like maybe cheapo biscuits or smtg. Hahaha. Anyway, I just got a call from my long pregnant cousin (who is a year younger than me btw) that she just GAVE BIRTH! Subhahanallah! Alhamdulillah! I'm an AUNTIE AGAIN! Haha. But she said the baby's still in the ICU, cos apparently she gave birth at home, (goodness that must have been one heck of an experience) and I think the baby was left out for a bit too long, and so she was a bit cold. Sigh, hope she feels better soon.

Wow, the second great-grandchild of the family and its a SHE too! :) Yeay! But I like baby boys too. They're cuteee, and they're apparently easier to clean la. Okay, I shall not continue making them sound like they're some 'things'. Okay, honestly though, I can't wait to have my own babies. Imagine having these little things squirming in your arms, looking up at you for the first time, not knowing what you are (probably), but still looking all the same. Someone you can hold, love, whose life you have a huge potential in shaping, whose values and principles you will influence. Cool stuff la. I just hope that my babies aren't the whiny, cry for every reason sort. :) Okay, enough about babies.

On a sadder note though, Ganga just passed away yesterday due to some chest infection. She's one half of the pair of Nepalese siamese twins who were conjoined at their heads and had their operation successfully done here in Singapore. Sigh, well atleast she had the last 7 years of her life living independently, separated from her twin, Jamuna. Sometimes though, it makes you wonder if messing around with what Allah has created will create repercusions, maybe not immediately, but a year, 2 years, maybe 7 years later? Like take a look at the other famous pair of Siamese twins, the Iranian siamese twins, Laleh and Ladan Bijani. They were doing fine till 20 plus, when they decided to take a risk at having the operation done. But seriously, who wouldn't want to? Imagine having to live your entire life not just having to follow your other half around, but having your dreams restricted, having to compromise every other time cos it has never been just about you, what YOU want, what YOU think, your life becomes an endless compromise. My heart goes out to them honestly.But still given how rare the phenomenon of siamese twins is, (It has only a one in every 50 000 to a one in every 200,000 chance of happening), so its a miracle in many ways. Maybe, its best to just leave them as they are as God wished them to be, but like I said, no one can truly understand the kind of lives siamese twins must be living, and how fervently they must dream for independence.

BTW, there's this group of dancers in front of me here dancing, and i SWEAR they are super action bedek lah! Feel like showing them what hip hop is REALLY about. POSERS. k bitchy, i know.

2008-07-24T23:22:00.004+08:00

NUS HYPERJIVE 2008 returns with a BANG!!

What?: A mass Aerobics marathon! Introduces LatinoRobics, CardioAerobics & Kickboxing!
When?: 24th August 2008, 1:30pm-530pm
Where?: Multi-Purpose Sports Hall 1, SRC, NUS
How?: Register at our booth at a bench along the Central Library Walkway from 13th-15th August 2008, 10-6pm

Visit: www45.brinkster.com/nusaerobics

2008-07-06T22:37:00.002+08:00

is this goodbye?

6th July 2008, 7:45pm, Qantas flight to Melbourne. "Gate 5 Closing". I was there to see that Qantas flight fly off. Was half wishing for a bollywood ending. But this is life, welcome to reality Khairah.What a feeling. Seriously. Damn :(

2008-07-01T14:58:00.004+08:00

KaboomBAMTAMTUMLOMLUM nonsense

Have you ever wondered what love is? How do you know you're in love? Is it when you keep thinking about that person all day long? When nothing else can excite you other than thoughts of that significant one? When words do no justice to the dreams and plans u have with him/her? How would you know for sure? I for one, truly lack a definitive answer. For when it comes to love, I suppose its the heart and not the mind that knows. I guess, you'll JUST know. But how?! Sheesh. Well.

Life's been alright lately, pretty routine-like. Work, some meet-ups, work, aerobics hyperjive, work, tuition, work. Yeah, u get the drift. Speaking of aerobics though, its been a good 2 years since I first joined the Comm! Its nearly as surprising as the fact that next sem will be the start of my 3rd year in NUS. Goodness gracious, don't we all age. But, I've got a better feeling about the modules I'll be taking next sem. Mostly marketing and management modules ya'll and that'll be greatttt, no more suckyyy mathsy stuff. wee.;) Well. Anyway, just in case ur wondering, that first part about love, is just something I was thinking about, it doesn't necessarily has to reflect anything that's happening in my life, so don't jump the wagon just yet.

Well, lets add some cute-sy Aerobics photos shall we? To commemorate my close to 2 years of servitude to the NUS Aerobics Club, to the many projects, and new fitness courses I've managed to introduce together with the team, to the vision we've all had, to the bonds and friendships forged, to the setbacks we've managed to overcome and to Hyperjive, which I earnestly pray and hope to be a success, Amin! Here are some photos of my comm members and I (not everyone's in the photos though, but close to everyone, so yeay. Its been great guys! Here's a toast to the upcoming comm (whom We've yet to elect), may they be blessed with the vision and passion! Wee! (this whole wee-ing thing HAS to stop. No thanks to SOMEBODY's influence. Hmm.)

Only 7 out of the 15

This is so OUT of character okayyy. HAHA.

2008-06-17T17:04:00.007+08:00

My 21st

This is totally overdue. But because I want to express my love for my dear frens n express how much I've missed .. here they are, photos of my surprise 21st birthday, which I was so totally unaware of and might I mention, UNPREPARED FOR. I mean, there I was, deprived of sleep for nearly 2 days, mentally exhausted, in my SLENGEST shoddiest, unglam outfit n SOME ppl had to plan my surprise birthday on exactly the same day.. Hahaha.. But of cos I love them all the same, thanks to those who waited, who came all the way to ulu pasir ris. Love u all. =)

Love them all. Thanks dearies, especially the first time planner Kai, and the patient darlings who bore with her. HEHE. =)

2008-06-10T02:51:00.003+08:00

laheela laheelaaa laheelaaa laheelaaa~

i'll miss the only person who understands what this means.

2008-06-09T16:21:00.002+08:00

EXCITEMENT? HAHA

Was going through this HUGE corporation's annual financial report, (not because I find it mentally stimulating, but cos its part of my job yo). They specialise in feminine care and baby care products (a.ka. sanitary pads and pampers) when I saw this statement,
"Our ability to contribute to the spread of health and hygiene through our products
and thereby provide comfort, excitement and joy to people in Japan, Asia and worldwide is a great source of Company pride."

Okay, I'm not sure why but that seriously cracked me up. Imagine someone getting EXCITED about PADS. Then again, if you're talking about the Japs.. :D

2008-06-06T13:20:00.009+08:00

euromonitor and a story of love

alohaaaaaaaa! Boy have I eaten ALOT today. This morning I had a plate of my grandma's nasi goreng, then it was half of the giant cookie kai got for me (more on that later) and I've just returned from lunch, with partially digested tahu goreng and a banana (no less) frolicking somewhere in my guts. Yes, I'm FULL. And I dunno if you experience the same phenomenon, but everytime I over-eat, my left shoulder starts aching, for some odd reason, and thats the norm after every buffet session, after every lets-go-crazy-who-needs-a-diet-pig-out-session. this time though, its the left side of my neck's that aching weirdly. Its probably my low metabolism coupled with the excessive eating thats causing all these aches. Sheesh, I think I need to exercise. Like seriously! Well, will see what I can do tomorrow.

Anyway, the past few days have been good. Minus the fact that I've only had 3 hours++ of sleep last night this morning. Good because I spent time with my lovelies, adibah, n susu n had fun with my fellow interns. Shoutout to Irene though (who's not at work today cos she's down with fever. Sushi misses you!)

OMG, I think I just lost my blogging 'mojo'. DOn't ask me what mojo means, its a term Naz coined in. Haha, I suppose it means the 'drive' or 'urge' to blog la, but you must have guessed that already.OKAY, I shall just post photos okay? SInce its been eeons since I last posted some. Anyway, I was just reading some of my past entries especially the ones of my grandpa, and I realise I miss him so. I also realise that I've grown up a bit more, like mellowed down a bit more, an apparent change from my usual chirpy self. I dunno if you've noticed it though but its really obvious to me. SIgh. Life. K, photos.

First up, of my Internship at Euromonitor

Yours Truly at my desk:)

Irene; my fellow 'cubicle' mate ;)

Thinzar; the NEXT-cubicle intern :)

Us 3. My internship rocks la with these 2 babes.

This is my half of the cubicle. My workstation. HAHA

Thought you were seeing double? Nope, Irene and I got the same Charles n Keith bag ;) AT A CRAZILY discounted price too. I loveee pre-renovation sales.

Next of, I met adibah. Wah, we definitely took the term 'lepak' seriously. First we lepak-ed at KFC, then off to the Cathay, and then to the STarbucks at the Cathay, which has an amazing lepak corner outside by the way.

I love the lights outside Cathay, they have an uncanny resemblance for sweets and lollipops, don't you think?

And this just reminds me of Batman, for some reason.

Adibah is going to slaughter, grill, skewer, pound, punch, kick, chop, hang, bang (ok bang sounds so wrong) ME if she sees this on my blog.

No need for comments, thank you very much.

Our beautiful sexy feet.

I love love love Adibah. :)

Okay, remember I said I'd tell you about the giant cookie thing that I ate today? Well the story dates a couple of days ago, refer to my previous entry, the day Kai INSISTED on passing me something. Well, turns out it was a cookie. And when Kai told me (over the phone) that it was JUST a cookie, of course I imagined the SMALL bite sized one, or you know those they put on a stick with the 'paste-on' paper message on it? Yeah, so I thought THAT was the kind of cookie Kai was referring to. BUT TURNS OUT, it was a GIANT ONE LAH. Just look at the box.

K dunno if you can tell, how huge it is, but it was HUGE lah. hahaha. K this should give you a better idea.

And now, its finito. Gone, not with the wind, but into my belly. WEE. But to that wonderful sweetheart who got me this, THANKS=)

Oh, and what does 'dostet darum' mean? For me to know, and for you to find out. Hehe.

2008-06-03T11:03:00.006+08:00

Its not what you have, but what you make of it

Hello World. So, I've been interning at Euromonitor if you don't already know. :) Things are okay, especially since the 2 other interns Irene and Thinzar are fantabulous people, so its all fun! HAHA, and now I haven't got much to do, and I'm waiting for my Boss to give me work, but he's really busy with some training, makes me wonder if I should just go up to some other Research manager and ask for one of those reports to edit. haha, fancy ASKING for work eh? But well, I do want to work too, you know! Yes Riyaz, I DO. And kai just messaged me, insisting on passing me something during my lunch later. Haiyo, so weird. I mean whats the RUSH? Seriously. And I don't quite like surprises I realise. OK anyway, I just thought I'd put up one of the funny morning emails kai has been sending me. There was one when I made her report on what she had for lunch cos she's been losing weight like nobody's business. Alamak! Just realised I haven't got my hard disk with me now, so I'll probably post the email tomorrow or smtg. :) sorry. OH in the mean time, check out these cooliooooooooooo out off this world (ok not really) but TERRIBLY (what an inappropriate word) FANTASTICALLY artistic pictures below!!!

Several artists competing in some Art competition held by the Hirshhorn Modern Art Gallery in DC were asked to do whatever they could using only ONE sheet of paper. Lesson to be learnt: Don't let your limited supplies bridle your imagination. Behold..

And this one's my favourite. I mean who would have thought you could provoke so much thought and meaning with just knife and paper and maybe some glue. But I guess its not how much supplies you have, its how much talent and imagination you can inspire out of yourself. Beautiful la. :) K peace out lovelies.

2008-05-20T14:14:00.002+08:00

OMG> I AM SO BODOH> I SWEAR IM SO BODOH. :( Juz called me the other day to tell me that Jodi picoult was in national lib, and I thought she was referring to the books! And then when she said, yup"The person herself" I thought she was referring to Haha! WTH. My once in a lifetime opportunity to meet up with my favourite author and I HAD to turn BODOH ON THAT SAME DAY. I'M DEPRESSED, BYE. :(

2008-05-14T10:42:00.004+08:00

Look deep within

Hi World, I'm now on my 3rd day of my internship and well, its definitely better than the last one. Atleast I don't have to do telemarketing, but that said, special shout out to Adilah,: Hope ur coping well babe!
Minutes ago I was in the washroom, returning Nature's call and responding to my biological reaction to Nescafe, and while I was doing my 'business', I heard someone coming into the toilet, HEAVING AND PANTING (honestly for lack of a better description, like a hippo, ok do hippos pant? well, just panting like u've had crazy wild sex(Not that I would know how thats like, of cos, JUST GUESSING) or like someone who's rannnnn a marathon, no, completed a triathlon. SO yes, it was HEAVY PANTING. I was a bit freaked out cos I was thinking this person must have had to hold her bladder for really long la to heave like that, and yeah my heart went out to her. Anyway coincidence got her into the cubicle next to mine and I SWEAR THE MINUTE SHE GOT IN, I think she practically stripped or smtg, cos the next thing I KNEW, I saw this black pants thing on the floor. THAT WAS FUNNY and disturbing in a way, cos I mean how often do u see these kinda things man, except in those comedies on TV? But well, so after finishing whatever I had to do, I left the cubicle and yeah stayed around to catch a glimpse of this heavily panting lady.

OKAY, pls dun think I STAYED AROUND FOR YEARS or smtg, just kinda took my time with washing my hands and all that. AND well, in a matter of minutes, this lady a.k.a. HP (short for HEAVY PANTER) came out. OKay, I don't wanan be mean but well she was huge, quite extremely obese, which perhaps explains why she was panting like that. But of cos that didn't disturb me,(I MEAN WHY SHOULD IT), I was just disturbed by the fact that she was wearing a dress, which only logically concludes that the big black trousers thing that I saw on the floor, must have been her, yeah UNDIES. But okay, stop being a bitch Khairah, and I'm not a bitch okay. so before you start mentally accusing me of being sucha superficial person who likes ridiculing people who're bigger than me, DON'T cos REALLY, this entry is really meant to reflect on how misleading and superficial looks are, cos after we both washed our hands and took some of the tissue to wipe our hands, she gave me this really heartwarming smile, those beaming kind, something you'd RARELY get from any hot, skinny lady, whose main aim in life is to scrutinize u from head to toe like as though I'm somehow fading. Don't blame me for this bias, it comes from experience. And yeah, so I left the toilet, feeling a bit thankful cos I mean no matter how plump I can gget, at teh very least I'm not obese, but most of all, I left the toilet feeling a bit sad cos whilst it is obvious she's such a warm and kind lady, not everyone will be inclined to appreciate her inner beauty only because she doesn't fit the beauty bill physically.

Okay, all this, from ONE toilet experience. Shoot yourself if you say Life's boring.

2008-05-11T00:30:00.002+08:00

Hi, I'm loading for 'A walk to remember' to finish loading and its seriously taking agesssss. I feel like I'm rotting away in boredom ALREADY. Can u imagine? ANd its only like what, my SECOND day of hols. and I only have till the end of sunday (TOMORROW) since I'll be sarting my internship on Monday. But I guess thats all in good measure especially since having things to do actually means u'll be pressed for time, and then it pushes you to get things done, cos I'm just that kinda person who needs to be pushed la. K, don;t mind me, but I gotta do this little mental-blog list thing to remind myself of what to do: 1) Send out sponsorship proposals to M1, BP, Some sunblock company, just get the T shirts done, and arrange for next meeting, arrange for ameeting with syl, mich n agnes b4 that. YEAH. I CAN DO THIS. Okay that was a very long number 1 I just realised. Haha. Anyhow to that certain someone, you'll get through this, Inshaallah, Allah loves you. I know THAT for sure. =)

2008-05-06T18:46:00.003+08:00

No right time to say goodbye

Minutes ago, I was outside the biz library, not wanting to go in cos my hands were wet and the library was chilly. So i wandered around for a bit, before settling my butt down on the steps close to the bus stop behind the library. I didn't know what to do, cos most of my free time, the spare minutes I have in between studying, in between toilet breaks and what-not would be spent, calling you, talking to you, checking up on you, before shooing you off the line cos I had to resume studying. This time, it was different, calling you wasn't an option no more. Messaging you wasn't either. But I'm okay. I settled with listening to the few random songs I had in my phone, which were all ironically, sent to me by you. I just sat there, and then started muffling the part of my phone that was emitting the noise cos it got a bit too loud. I guess thats how I'm gonna recover, and move on. Living with these relics of you in my life,cos its impossible to remove all of them anyway. Just this morning, out of a whimsical urge, I wanted to see if i could find 5 things that were scattered on my desk that reminded me of you, and I found seven, without even trying. So, removing you, is not going to be hard, its going to be impossible. So, I'll live, live with whatever I have left of you, the cherished moments, the sweet momentos and relics of the precious memories, and I will be okay. Just as you will be, in time. There's no right time to say goodbye, there never is, but for us, it was yesterday, and it will be okay. I wish you love and happiness. Have faith, take care.

2008-04-23T22:52:00.002+08:00

Bitter things have a sweet after-taste

I dunno how true my title is, especially where food is concerned, but experience-wise I think its true. Life has a way of throwing you your share of misery in the weirdest shapes and forms, and well, it hurts of course. But then, you recover, you muster enough faith, you snap out of this bout of self-pity, and then something miraculously happens to change your fate for the better, if not to the best you can imagine.

My day today was something like that. Maybe I made it a bit too grandiose-sounding, but yeah well it was somehting like that. Felt sad for a bit cos I couldn't drive the car, I know this sounds extremely TRIVIAL but well its alot more complicated that that. See, I had promised to fetch my mum from work, cos she's working at ULU Changi, and I had to get permission from my Aunt to drive the car. My aunt lives really nearby by the way and her car's like the family car, shared by the drivers in my family; her and her son (my cousin) and now, yours truly has joined the list, after I got my licence. Well so I had my hopes up high, cos I was excited at the prospect of driving ALL the way to Changi in that new car (yeah its a new car) but my excitement had more to do with the joy of being able to fetch my mum from work. Being the lady who has toiled for everyday of my life (ok minus public holidays AND weekends, BUT STILL, SHEESH), she obviously deserves the very best. And I was sad cos I thought I couldn't get to use the car even after promising to fetch her, cos my aunt said my cousin may need it for his alumni band stuff. Anyway, to cut things short, I got to use the car cos apparently my cousin didn't need it after all, but not without my aunt and grandma hyperventilating in anxiety throughout the WHOLE trip. hahahaha. Such little faith in my driving, tsk tsk. In fact the moment I reached home, my grandma practically WOOSHED out a sigh of relief (the way dragons do). Hahahah. Hilarious! But still! Hey I passed for a reason right!

Anyhow, this is my SECOND entry for today, if you haven't already noticed. Its a wonder how I suddenly find so much time and need to blog when my exams are urm 2 days away, yeah on FRIDAY 9 AM SUMMORE! OH OH OH, here are the comments of my trusty driving "coach" on MSN, who was next to me when I drove just now.

and i will, only because I believe. says:
was my driving reali ok?

bonjour...le nom est kai says:
ur driving was superb

bonjour...le nom est kai says:
i'm very proud of u

bonjour...le nom est kai says:
keep up the good work my dear

I should show THAT to my grandma.