What's most important?

Hi, this post was inspired by my countless hours of thinking, doodling, and whiling away. It usually follows an extremely productive period- and I had one of such 'periods' yesterday. I was really quite hardworking, managed to type out my bit for my compensation group report and even rushed till the very minute the library closed (i.e. 9pm) to brainstorm and look up some library books for my upcoming Product and brand presentation on Tuesday. So yes, I think I did work quite hard (can be harder lah but still, gime some credit yeah, haha).

So anyway I was thinking, facebook-ing, reading, etc. And I realise that so many of us are quite full of ourselves. Guess it's natural, we want to believe that we're all important in some way or another. And we try to 'prove' it by the types of activities we choose to participate in, the causes we partake in and devote our lives to, even the types of friends we associate ourselves with and would like to be close with or the jobs we take up. That's not even a laundry list and of cos, even if I did try, I won't even be able to list them all even in a thesis. At the end of the day though, the truth will surface- whether or not what you thought was important was indeed important, or whether or not you were indeed important the way you thought you were.

To some extent, I believe that at some point, we will realise that we were disillusioned and that the self-importance perception that we once held will be shattered. That someday, we'll look back, and smirk- that's what I thought? Hah. But that is not to say that we should give up being disillusioned for that self-importance is in fact the fuelling force for many. It can rouse up the spirit to do even greater things than if you removed it altogether. Some bask in the glory of being the popular one, some relish in being the funny one, others in the success at school, or even through the other causes they partake in. Yet, guess it boils down to the greater question of what is most important. What is it that you want to achieve through your life? Be the change-maker/ go with the flow and see where it gets you or? It doesn't matter I guess, but how you define that goal will in some ways define your success at the end of it all and also how disillusioned/ happy you emerge at the end of it all.

For me, this blog post was needed to re-align my thoughts and 'self-vision'. I want to make as big a positive difference and impact as I can on all those around me. Some scoff, others say that's too vague, but I do. So, for that, I'll just have to do what's necessary to get me there- and put in the effort to think of new ideas that can help bring about that change and impact (no matter to what degrees) to the many people around me and through the platforms available around me. My wonderful family, YWLC, school, the many wonderful people around me, grassroots and hopefully a really cool job and just seize the day (every single day from now on). Inshaallah.

I did a blood test and the doctor said I had an abnormally high level of one particular enzyme in my liver! :( And she asked me if I drank alcohol?! Hahaha. asked her what that could mean: and she says there are several possibilities: 1) too muc alcohol, 2) hepatitis B or 3) too much fatty food (she said its quite common in younger patients tho). I'm thinking it;s the last factor, surely. Damn.

Time for an overhaul.

SELAMAT HARI RAYA! :D

Check out my cute lil niece, Nur Alishah Daniah. ( I think that's how it's spelt).

if my mum can go through all that shit, so can I. I'm strong enough for this, Inshaallah.

For all of us, especially Kai.

i need inspiration. pls.

or a holiday- where i can go kite-flying, bubble-blowing, sand-castle building, reading, drawing, painting, riding, swimming (ok not swimming), shopping, eating, eating, sleeping, sleeping, sleeping (repeated thrice for a reason), and urm just whiling away la.

what's life for? what's my reason for existence? not to ace my exams, do well in my career n build up my wealth. no no no. just to be happy and try to secure that ticket to everlasting happiness too- if possible.

sigh. Allah, save my soul.

What my YWLC girls think of me. :)

u know, I think no matter what, I am really passionate about my country and my first reaction to anyone's criticisms will be defensive. I think we have a lot to thank for, and that at times we get complacent and a tad too idealistic- forgetting that there was a great price that had to be paid for this success, this peaceful and stable state that we live in. a fren posted an entry on facebook about how she thinks there's so much more for singapore to achieve-(that I don't deny) but the fact that she made some sweeping statements like "our leaders live in a world completely isolated from ours" is to me- a sad sad statement. For 2 reasons really- firstly n more importantly, its the fact that ppl don't and can't truly appreciate the efforts of our leaders. Having worked closely with some of the MPs and ministers has made me realise that they do a great deal, so much more than meets the eyes, so much more than what is being recognised, so much more than what is being perceived. (which is the problem then isn't it? perception is reality to many. and thats what saddens me, cos i think they deserve more credit and criticism can only truly be justified when one can truly examine in totality one's claims n not just state smtg on worldwide social media platforms like facebook without proper justification. ok tbh, I am a wee bit close from fuming mad but emotions aside, I think the greater and underlying issue for our govt. then is marketing. they need to be better able to showcase the efforts and the great pains that they go to to ensure that we sleep well at night, that we can have faith than singapore as a nation won't just function well enough for us to survive but well enough to continue surpassing expectations, well enough to achieve success for the next 45 years of our lives.

sometimes I feel it is this success that has made us complacent, that has made us a tad idealistic without realising and without pausing to truly consider the sacrifices that had to be made to get to where we are. Sigh.

guess you can never tell. its just gotta feel right. at this point, it does. so that's all that matters.

had sushi party at susu's today, gg to visit grandpa's grave in the morning tmr and then off to the marina bay carnival thing, then tuesday off to school. back to school, everybody. gotta give it my best shot this round.

hahaha so funny. what? nothing.

ok i think i may be going mad. I just had a crazy verbal thrashing session from someone, wont say who cos I can't. But I just whined about it on my blog earlier (but saved it as a draft la, cant publish, sigh). I am sad. :(

anyway so funny, i read Kai's blog and, KAI, I know u read this and its funny. I think u should go to sydney btw. Its fun! :) But yeah la guess China wins hands down.

You know sometimes, the thing about ex-es is that because you know them so well, its easy to relate to their emotions, words and actions ( like u ask urself, now why does all this sound so familiar). I dunno if I make any sense right now, (blame the lack of sleep and post-verbal thrashing session), but I think knowing someone so well has its ups and downs.
Ups:
1) u can tell if they're genuine
2) u start psycho-analysing their actions n words, n sometimes wonder why they're the way they are
3) it helps in rltns
4) u dont just hear what they say, u hear the unsaid as well
downs:
1) u cant help but miss them on a more frequent (than necessary) basis
2) ur more emotionally vulnerable to their actions n words
3) sometimes u may be wrong. u may think u know them very well, and then start suffering from tunnel vision.

Ok i am hungry and I want the BIG SUBWAY sandwich in australia-some seafood delight thing.

PS: sometimes i wish i was a housewife living in italy with my own strawberry farm and chickens and sheep (though they stink).

PPS: Yes, this has got to be the most unstructured, messed- up entry there is in my blog and that's saying somehting. I just proved Mr Pang, history teacher from JC right. bleargh. somebody save me.