Happy Birthday Mummy

today marks the 53th birthday of the woman who shares the sacred number ONE pedestal in my heart (with my grandma), my mother of course.. And it was perhaps the saddest birthday yet.
it started off with her looking forward to opening our mailbox, to check for the birthday cards she might receive. I was running late for work, and just managed to kiss and wish her a happy birthday before rushing off downstairs to scribble messily my lengthy birthday wishes on an A4 sheet of paper turned birthday card, and stashing it hurriedly into the mailbox before making a beeline for the bus stop.
i felt bad for not being able to spend the day with her, but took comfort in the fact that she had plans to celebrate her birthday with a friend. all day long at work, ideas of where to take my mum for dinner were buzzing in my mind. I wanted to reserve 4 places at the straits kitchen(having already received my pay), but my mum being a firm disbeliever of trying new food places rejected the idea.
so anyway, i rushed home hoping to be able to bring her somewhere, and when i came home, there she was forlorn looking. i found out from my grandma that the 'friend' she was supposed to spend the day with bailed on her, didnt even have the cheek to apoloogise or call her. in fact he left her waiting at the agreed rendezvous. i am pissed beyond words.
to make it worse off, the cards my mother were expecting (the ones from the insurance agent, her workplace were nowehere to be found) i'd like to think they got lost in the mail somewhere, but we both know that they were never sent.

Just an hour ago, she was holding my messy, rushed low budget birthday card/paper in her hands, as she said, "This year, I've got no cards at all, just one from you".
To see a woman who means the world to you saying words like that, its crushing. seriously, i was so crushed to see that her birthday had possibly been one of the saddest days for her.
My mum's not a loner, but she's never had many friends. Her divorce with my father has left her an embittered individual, one who has vowed to see life the half glass empty way. Her recent friendship did most to redeem her from near depression and she was a gay woman once again, after so long.
Now, all that's gone to waste. I can just go say, "Fuck you mister, you who dares treat my mum like shit", but what difference would it make.

In the end though, I turned on my laptop and searched for the oldie malay songs she loves. Tried to get the lyrics down for her as well, creating a mini karaoke session. I saw a smile and at some point there were tears, tears that suffused in her eyes, that remained in her eyes,tears never cried.

Dear God, if there was one wish I could have granted, it would be for my mum's happiness. For her to be always happy. Mum, though you'll never read this, unless theres a war of sorts and this blog gets "discovered" like anne frank's diary, know that you're loved, beyond words by me.