Cos I've been gone for far too long

Wow. My door bell has been ringing like once every other hour. Lke there are a gazillion visitors streaming in and out every time, I've lost count of how many there were. And its funny like everytime teh door bell rings, there's this element of mystery or suspense, like who knows what's ( or who's) lurking behind that door, okay maybe not the same kind of emotion lah, but something like that. I skipped my stats lecture today and I know kai's gonna start on her "HOW COME UR SKIPPING SO MANY CLASSES" lecture again, which is only gonna irritate me to no end, and thus impel me to shut her up with a retort that'll be along these lines, "why do you sound like my MOTHER?" It works everytime. And I feel guilty everytime I skip another class, but atleast I do attempt to go for make-ups in the same week, so perhaps I shouldn;t be too hard on myself. The thing that I've been forever MIA-ing is Stats lecture, and that spells doom lah, cos stats isn't exactly my forte. OKAY, but it will be, cos I'm positive and I will try my best and prove the world wrong. HAHA.

I've been analysing this whole Airbus A380 conflict between the Alpa-S (the pilots' union) and SIA and trying to fit in all sorts of management power and conflicts theories, its driving me crazy. BUT, I've been doing this since 10am this moring mind you, and now its 4 pm, and I've got 6 pages down thus far. What's the maximum number of pages, you ask? Well no cap really, cos this is a group project, whose presentation will be NEXT week, and I'm so scared cos everyone else seems to have this view that our presentation will rock so much, it'll leave Dr. Wan speechless. Don't ask me how I know, just the feeling. I realised yet again, that I'm theall impractical irrational perfectionist who will put hours into one assignment and then be at the mercy of LDMR, meaning that the amt of effort put in will not be reflected in the grade I eventually get. Which is miserable news. I should stop thinking so much and get back to work.

I'm gg to get Ellie one of those World Call Cards so she can call her father and her SNAKE catcher of a husband. My family's been making fun of her snake catcher husband to no end, cos the idea's funny, and exotic all the same, how one catches snakes for a living. I mean hey, these are the kind of professions we watch ppl do ON TV. OMG, i sound so much like an ignorant urban chick, it's repulsive.Expounding on this whole topic of her husband being the snake catcher, I must add that my family has this strange affinity for animals, like all animals. My grandparents can imitate the cow in the Marigold milk advertisements soo well, I'm starting to think they are the real stars of the ad. My mum has this whole enraptured and mystified look everytime she watches any kind of reptile show, like the expression which has both disgust and curiosity, the same expression she has everytime she hears Ellie relate her stories of when her husband actually does go snake-hunting. Oh, just in case ur clueless, Ellie's the new domestic helper who's, get this EIGHTEEN. I feel so tua LAH. And I like Ellie. Okay one more point to corroborate my point, my family's of the consensus that the all time fun famly outing will include a trip to the Lower Pierce Reservoir nature trail road, were we get to watch the MONKEYS. There, I'm starting to think we're all animal descendants, which is true lah, evolution-wise, but yeah perhaps more direct than that.

I've been sleeping like a pig, and it sucks. (There, we really must be animal descendants.) HAH. I've got STUFF to do. I can't wait for my exchange to germany, I WANT TO DO HONOURS! ANother realisation: debates always get me excited, even when they're in GERMAN. Last week during german lecture, Frau Verry split the class into two, one assuming the stance, "Fairytales are important", I was sadly on the opposition side, because hey, I do believe fairytales are important! I mean I could go on and write a thesis on why I think Beauty and the Beast incucates the need to look beneath the surface, for whats true, or how its important to want to dream and find your true love, even if your soulmate's some poor, skinny Aladdin. And yet, I guess I must have been rattling too much in heart-wrenchingly imperfect German, that Frau Verry asked me to stay quiet. YEAH she did the whole, zip you mouth action. But its ok, I still love her, she rocks! I mean where else can you find a Russian, French, German, English, and BAHASA INDONESIA speaking woman?! Many a times , she'll just break into Bahasa, leaving my darling cina frens clueless, hahaha what a change from the normally mandarin-using mystifying classes I'm in. Yesterday we had another debate in german, this time in tutorial, with me proposing the notion- Deutsch macht spaß, which means German is a lot of fun. I had proposed the notion with the intention on being ont he opposition side, but alas I'm always on teh other side. I think we won lah in the end, only because my tutor must have been inclined to making us win, i mean she's got to think German is fun, right?

Okay time to go, will be going to Wisma later, to get my eyebrows done, then to Wan Yang Foot reflexology in PS, my aunt's treat. WOO HOO. Have fun peeps. Live your life! Live the dream rocked lah and that was like the second time I caught it, I can't wait for By Definition to start selling their records. Singapore's got talent. Power. OK BYE.:)

Trust me, I'm a girl.

Hi, I'm in the Mac near my house right now, here with Pish and we're studying. Well, fine, so I'm blogging, but atleast I did attempt some managerial accounting questions just now. Pish, on the other hand looks like she's concentrating fully on her work though, ah no, her phone just beeped, and she's replying back to what I assume (correctly) would be a SMS. I feel really bloated now, the unwanted and UN-NEEDED effect of just having wolfed down one of those UPSIZED student's fillet meal, a mere half an hour or so after eating half a packet of large fries. Ahh, no good, and soon I'm gonna feel breathless, feel the effect of my heart's aorta constricting and the pulse rate rocket to a sky high level, and then die of a heart attack. Yes well, so I shall just blog about my life and what's worth mentioning before I actually do die. Eh, this is scary, what if I actually do die after this entry, then maybe I'd be famous or smtg ( though whats the point in being famous after you die-REFER to the pavarotti entry), famous for having predicted my death, though I doubt it'd be the same cause of death as envisioned, but STILL. Woo, maybe some car will run me down or MAYBE whilst returning home, some guy decides to commit suicide and jump to his death only to land on me, and I suffer the brunt of the impact of his fall. Sheesh, such morbid thoughts, at such an early hour aren't exactly good. Oh great. My batt's like 32% filled now, and its depleting like crazy and some guy is hogging the powerpoint, well not exactly but he's definitely blocking my access to it.


Anyway today, the lifelong impression that I have of my two grandparents- that they're extremely funny, maybe even the World's most adorable and cute grandparents was somewhat affirmed today. See, I was wearing this Tee Shirt that said "Trust me, I'm a girl" and when my grandpa saw it, he read it out loud. Sticking true to his gentleman-self and obviously thinking that he owed my non-english educated but nonetheless exceptionally bright grandmother an explanation, he elaborated in Malay, "Oh, She's trying to say she's not a boy lah!" And I went on to say, in my most irritating but affectionate way, "See grandma, grandpa's smarter than you. He can read my tee-shirt." (YES, i know I sound so rude and irritating like that, but trust me, we're so close, we're comfortable enough to actually chide and kid with each other, so yeah don't misunderstand.) Hearing this, my grandmother being the all egoistical lady that she is, and wanting to prove me wrong, retorted, " Hey, I can read okay. and then she read out loud, with (I must add) perfect diction, " Trust me, I AM a girl". So yeah, instead of "I'm", she said "I am" but hey, that was good right! hahaha, and not needing an explanation, she went on to say, " But anyway, where's the need to state that ur a girl?! You have boobs what!" HAHAHAHAHA. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that's my grandma for you, the all funny and CRUDE grandmother. She rocks la eh. :D





OH, there, me in that funny tee shirt. :D


HAHA, okay, this is weird but I can actually imagine myself, some days, months, maybe years, (who knows?) down the road, looking back and re-reading this entry, only to rekindle all those memories of my beloved grandparents. You know the thing with me is that, I can actually imagine the future, so much so that when it comes, it doesn't really evoke the effect and feelings it otherwise would and by right should, when it comes unexpected, and not foretold of. But then again, these "memories" I can only have, if I actually survive the cardiac arrest, the suicidal man, and the speeding car later on. Only time will tell. Check this same space tomorrow for news on the outcome. No news, you ought to know the outcome.

Selamat Hari Raya!! :)

Okay, I so need to blog. The white blog's screen that appears everytime I decide to write a new post is alot like this new clean slate, fresh, untainted for all your refections, which one can argue to be the spilt ink that stains it all up, or if you're more positive, the wonderful colour that spruces the otherwise dull white. Today, I realised more than ever that I feel so D_I_S_T_A_N_C_E_D from my frens, and yes that was done to emphasise the point. Like all my friends, the tkg ones, my mjc ones, every other one of my rather limited and small social circle, and its sad. Have all of you forgotten me somehow? I guess its the effect of life and the many obligations we have, which steal us away from the joy and companionship of our loved ones. I need so badly to hang out with everyone, catch up, and to bask in the knowledge (that doesnt seem so clear at this point) that I still have my friends to count on.

It could be just this passing phase, as susu calls it, and I reckon it is, but still its here, and perhaps will stay for some time, until I do get to meet all these lovely ppl. I think somehow, I have always been unimportant in many peoples' eyes, like the second choice, or the face in the background to fill their social circles, but never important enough, its depressing, to say the least , to feel like this and this is quite unlike me, but nevermind, if thats the way it is, I shall just have to make do with those who care enough. No need for the pretense and masked genuinity, I will seek for genuine love.

Ah, this entry is so pathetically full of self pity.

Forget it, Eid Mubarak everybody. Hope you had a blessed one! :)

I'm loving me.

You know when sometimes you feel this great urge to blog or ramble on about something, and then realise that when you actually start, that you've lost ur muse, ur inspiration, and the words just evade you. Then there are other times, when you have so much to say, cos you've experienced this epiphany thats so moving, you just HAVE to talk about it. Now will be a moment that belongs to the latter category, and I'm glad. Cos such epiphanies are precious, and life-changing in many ways. Cos you go through life, living pretty much a routine like cycle everyday, with a few unfortunate events, shocks, and surprises that leave you guessing, and then you have epiphanies of some kind that leave you changed in small, but no less distinct ways. And its great when that happens, cos I realise that when you have such epiphanies, life has really changed for you, that you have grown in quite a significant way to be able to realise soe truth that concerns you, cos this journey we call Life of which we're mere players, is really about finding your true self, and what is true for you, so these rare epiphanies, resemble the great leap of knowledge and acceptance of the truths in your life, simply put, the achievement of what Life had set you out to do.

My epiphany today may sound cliche, and perhaps all epiphanies are somewhat cliche in their own way for what you regard as an epiphanic moment in your life, must have been the same epiphany for someone else sometime ago, and may become that of another person tomorrow, so they're all cliche to some extent. Yet, the epiphany only becomes true when its yours to claim, when its yours to realise, and when its yours to uncover. So no matter how cliche or common it may seem, it can't be too similar, cos we're all unique individuals each with his own set of experiences, that are bound to shape your feelings towards these epiphanies and the effect they have on you.

I realised today that no matter how absorbed you can be in knowing about the lives of others, or how much they seem to mean to you, that nothing or no one can ever be as precious and important as yourself because you are yours to seek and cherish, and its an amazing feeling to know that you have yourself to rely on, to persevere with and to overcome the obstacles life hurls at you since nothing or no one could be more reliant and dependable than you yourself. This may seem like a sad realization, that may even pass as being selfish, but its a truth we should all accept, cos loving and taking care ofyourself must come first, before anything else. I have had trouble coming to terms with myself at times, because I am constantly striving to realise this much idealised ideal me, and because of this, I have been hard on myself, even to the extent of finding it hard to love myself, but this will change to the best of my abilities, for whilst its not wrong to want to be the best you can be, you won't be getting anywhere if you can't, first and foremost learn to love who you are.

Endless ramblings of an over-active mind

Today, at about 1 plus pm, I realised that the not-so welcomed THAT time of the month friend, had decided to pay me a visit, a good 3 days before the end of Rahmadan. Why lah?! Haiyo, I love fasting, its sucha special feeling, especially since this happens only every once a YEAR! You'd think the damn period that comes once a MONTH would have enough patience to wait, but nooooo. Don't tell me I'm being unreasonable, because I already know that, just well, can't help feeling disappointed. Bleargh. So I was telling Kiran just now about how I think I must be a damn evil person and that maybe its because I have been bitching a bit too much lately, that I'm now deprived of the chance to fast. I've been complaining to everyone who cares enough to listen, until I decided to stop whining and get myself a good Fillet students meal from Macs. I didn't eat there la, I ta-bao-ed it home and smuggled it into my room before locking the door as discretely as I could before devouring it like any fillet fan would devour a sauce-dripping fillet and the crunchy, golden totally-addictive fries. And, I realised whilst eating, that nothing quite compares to eating, and the feeling one would get after finishing a meal, but realising you're still not that full, only to realise to ur disbelief, that there's this one loooooooooooooooong golden fry that was left untouched somewhere in that bag. I tell you ah, food completes my life la, Mac food especially.
And then whilst I was eating, I was somewhat imagining of how I would look, on the huge screen thats supposed to play all ur life's events on Dooms' Day- guilty, greedy and sinfully happy. But its not wrong to eat in Rahmadan what, especially since I did it discretely right?

Okay, and I skipped my finance tutorial and German tutorial today, meaning I ended at 2:30pm today and Kiran drove me home(she's sucha darl) and now I feel so much happier. Eventhough I am yet to have started studying for the stats test which is, lo and behold, TOMORROW. There's something seriously draining about having lessons from 9am to 8pm. They should have a cap as to the number of hours of lessons you can have in a day, because seriously its bound to be unproductive unless you're some supercharged, just-hibernated-last-night kinda person, which at this point I am the complete opposite of. I need sleep so badly, I must resemble a walking zombie, and I couldn't help nodding to sleep in Management just now, which was so embarrasing especially since its a seminar style class.

But, all's good, I feel a lot more optimistic right now, cos it feels strange to be at home at about 3pm when there's still sunlight, cos everytime I reach home, its either way past 10pm or at the very least after 8pm and like the saying, theres power in knowledge, knowing that I have about half the day left to do ALL the studying I want gives me so much more enthusiasm. I shall go now, oh but not before I share some things I read from yahoo just now. Did you know that plants can 'sense' the presence of other plants around them? Supposedly, they can tell this by the intensity and reflection of light in the area. Likewise, we can use their inherent sesitivity to light as a means of 'communicating' with them- like if you shine too much light in a certain area, the plants get the hint, and would hence grow in the direction of the light. Okay, that bit I suppose you would know of already, but still cool la, plant communicating with other plants. Like doesn't it make you think about all the possible ways of communicating, other than that involving noise and sound of course, like ants, how on earth do you think they communicate? In all the 20 years of my life's observation of ants, it appears like they kiss each other before moving forward, or maybe its their sense of smell, like ur supposed to have a certain kind of smell, before you're recognised as one of them, to remain privy to all that food sharing information I suppose.

Next, some 139 year old shipwreck had been uncovered in the depths of the Alaskan sea, and they found many relics and parts resembling major parts of the ship, like what appears to have been the core of the ship's steering wheel, even wine bottles, now all covered with coral, seaweed and algae, playing 'home' to a gazillion sea creatures.

What's the point in all this info anyway? I mean what's past is past, and I'm not exactly anti history, -take it from a girl who has done history for 6 years of her life-, but I mean how is a bunch of relics uncovered on the ocean floor, long buried, long dismissed important? I think its important to learn from history, cos what better way is there to prepare ourselves for what's to come? Yet, sometimes things like this, are just so un-important, that it seems like we're running out of things to discuss and talk about, or to reflect in our news. Sure, its interesting, the idea of finally uncovereing a ship that was last seen in 1868 must be at the very least exciting, but what real purpose does this discovery serve? Maybe its a chance to observe and study the intricate structure and fascinating works of the past, yeah perhaps thats it. To appreciate relics of the past, to appreciate the 'return' of all that's been gone for so long.

On another random note, I can't wait to drive, illegally or legally. If I don't pass the next time I take my test, I swear I'll drop the 'legal' option and just hit the roads.

There'll only be enough happiness if you have enough pain and sorrow

My goodness, it feels like eeons since I last blogged. This blog is nearly dead, 'nearly' because this is a new entry lah, but other than that, I guess it fits the criteria of being a dead blog already, haha. Hmm, I want to blog about every other thing that has happened, but there'll be no end, and because there are so many things, I don't exactly know where to start as well.

Okay, I shall keep it BRIEF.

3rd oct was my grandpa's 81st bday, and obviously this year's one had to be special, cos it could very well be the last one we celebrate for him. Had lessons till like 8 freaking pm. Kai was such an angel for fetching me from school and so we rushed over, and found that my place was crowded with my aunts and cousins and grandaunts and uncles (that was sucha weird order). It was a really nice gathering, with the compulsory video tribute-dedication thing adding a nice touch to the whole day( with me being the camera-woman cum interviewer(for lack of a better word) for the most part. Every grandchild and child had his or her own dedication and reflection for my grandpa, after watching the video yesterday, I think this video may very well be one of my family's most prized possessions. Displaying humour characteristic of everyone in the family( yes it runs in the family), my grandpa who donned a garland of orchid flowers, when asked why he was wearing it, said, "I'm running for PAP lah". :D He's so cute.

Okay, the all necessary photos.

6 of the 26 grandchildren my grandpa has (and his sister)

Okay that was my favourite photo of the night. And you know what, this photo actyally makes me sad, cos my grandpa's condition is really deteriorating. Everytime I see him, he's either wincing in pain or shifting about, only because no position is comfortable enough for him. Everytime he asks for someone to scratch his back or to help him get up, he would soon start crying and apologising for troubling us. Its so sad that he is still concerned with not troubling us even when he's in such pain. Its really painful, excruciating, whatever pain reflecting word exists, to experience this, but Allah will get my family and I through this and if there's any good in this, this trying period has congealed us as a family once again.

Okay see lah, I wanted to blog happy things and now I feel down again. I'll be going for the $88 tickets Linkin Park's concert with Juz since no one wants to accompany me for the $148 tickets. Okay I'm not exactly feeling very enthusiastic about it now, but hey, the excitement will come back. Its Linkin Park what!

I must go now, next week will be one shitty week- 3 tests Managerial accounting on tues, stats on thursday and german vocab test on friday, but I've had worst, so I shall just stay positive and do all I can to pull through, Inshaallah. At the top of my current to-do list is to stop blogging this instant, and continue with my studying, which I shall comply with NOW, haha, take care y'all, bye!

The never ending obligations of a jam-packed life.

I am busy, busy, busy. I have promised myself a lengthy,much deserving, honest reflection in 2 days.