Confessions of a 2 decades old girl

I love dancing. I do. It makes me happy, just give me a good beat and I can totally immerse myself in it, moving to the rhythm n coming up with what I would deem good choreography. But all this, I can only do when I'm alone. Put me in a room with other dancers, and I chicken out. I dunno, insecure perhaps? Of my ability or of what people would think. Whic brings me to the next overarching topic of how insecure I really am. I discussed this with susu yesterday. and She came up with the deepest cheemest stuff like how keeping things to myself is my self defense mechanism, just like how some people lie to themselves to protect themselves, or just choose to stay distant for the fear of getting hurt should he/she be too committed. Which is an interesting thought, and I've got to give it to the girl, she knows me well. Though there may be a more complex story as to why I choose to keep things to myself sometimes. Just a few reasons why, I think I understand myself best, which makes it tiring to express myself sometimes cos its hard to make some people understand, but i have got to give my friends credit, they do know me well. Next, I think I'm pretty insecure about who I've been and who I am. Always had insecurity issues. I remember scrutinising and psycho-analysisng since the tender age of 10, everything I'd do was scrutinised, not by anybody else, but me. It was stressful, cos I had this idealised version of myself, and who I've always been always somehow paled in comparison to that shiny admirable alter ego I always wanted to be. But today, 10 years later, today, I realise u become that ideal person when u can love urself, for all ur flaws and all ur strengths. I have to learn to do that. I haven't achieved that just as yet, but i will Inshaallah, I will.