Gratitude

I'm using my laptop now, after what seems like years. And I'm sitting here on this dining table chair facing my comp (my comp table's chair's very shaky and it has this hard wooden seat- the kind that would leave my bum sore after a few minutes. There, the price I have to pay for wanting a cool looking comp chair rather than those conventional SOFT CUSHION seat comp chairs). So I'm sitting here, and I'm staring at everything and nothing in particular. I'm beginning to notice how strange it feels sitting down here on my own, with the whirring of the fan being the only form of activity in my house, oh and there, I think I just heard cars zooming past, and a motorcycle with its classic and unmistakable roaring engine. My life has gotten so hectic, so chaotic that at times I think I forget to breathe. No really, I mean that. I have this habit of holding my breath for too long, okay maybe not TOO LONG, else you'd have a spirit for a blogger now, but long enough to make me gasp for air. Not sure why this happens but its weird and relieving all the same. Weird cos it could be that I totally suck at multi-tasking even if its only breathing and doing something else (and we both know that was utter rubbish). Yet, after the few seconds of holding my breath, the need for air impels me to gasp for air, inhaling deeper than I normally would, as a way of making up for the deprivation of air I've put myself through. And the rush of air is relieving, not just in the physical way like how an ashmatic patient would yearn for the oxygen mask, but relieving in the emotional aspect too. Breathing deeply gives you this second of composure, this feeling of ease and peace that helps recollect your thoughts, putting you back in perspective.

I'm recovering from yesterday's crazy frenzy at home. How pain once again put in check the happy times my family has enjoyed. Yesterday, I wondered, why it appears to be that my family seems to have such a big share of the troubles, quarrels, problems and misunderstandings that plague families. I wondered if it was something my family had done in the past, to put us in this position where retribution comes in the form of the never-ending problems. I wondered if it was really fair how so many of my friends are blessed with happy close knitted, complete families when I for as long as I could remember, always had to find a reason to overlook the shortcomings of mine. I wondered a great few things amidst all that shouting, hurt and anger. But I was still calm. No tears, quite a bit of shouting only because I hoped to alleviate the situation, and then I stayed quiet, resigned to the fact that nothing I could do would change anything. I wished so many things for my family, I'm still wishing, but each time this happens its a wish with less conviction, less hope, less belief.

But I'm alright, I can't lie and say I see the bright side to this, because there is no bright side. But I still have a home and a family to call my own, and that makes me lucky and the situation bearable, if not okay. If you're one of those who has been blessed with a happy family, with lesser worries and more love and support than mine, cherish your family. Tell them how much you love them, appreciate them, and take a moment to express your gratitude to Allah, because you really have it good.