You know how when you've got so many thougts in your mind, none of them related in anyway whatsoever, but each equally strong and complex and moving that you feel the greatest need to talk about them? Yeah feeling the same exact thing now. Except there are so many, and they're in such a disarray, that I have absolutely no idea which to start with first. So this entry is bound to sound like some random entry about so many different random things in random order. K I think I'll list them down in a list of points fashion just so I won't give the many who already dub my mind as the messed up thing that it is, the satisfaction of being right.

1) Anyone ever felt like you need to have some distance between yourself and anyone else, just so you can avoid hurting them? Or feel uncomfortable at the closeness of your relationship because it would mean that you're in a more likely-than-not position of hurting them?

2) What if, what you see yourself as in the mirror( physically) is totally different from what people see when they look at you? Not as in spiritually or behaviour wise, but your looks perse. And that its been this case ALL your life?! Like maybe even in photos that you and your fren are looking at that contains both of you, each of you can not see the same face or facial attributes that the other is seeing? hmmm..possible right?

3) How people think that you're a damn positive person, since you have this happy go lucky public persona, which really is a mask to all the melancholy brewing inside. And then once in a while when that sadness spills over, or seeps out of the tightly enclosed you, people cringe, cos it seems so un-you?

4) (In relation to the previous point) Worse still, if they criticise, and ACT and judge like they know.

5) How you have had your ideal life envisioned out since day 1, and then as you go along in this journey you call Life, you emerge only to realise that though not many things turned out the way you had it planned, you wouldn't trade any part of what you have now, not even for the world? =)

6)How despite knowing that what you have NOW isn't meant to last, you force yourself to stop looking into the future, cos that's the only way you can enjoy and appreciate all that you have now for all that its worth.

7) and how that in actual fact that compromises abit of who you are, because its a kind of distraction, to distract you from what's real and what's to happen.

8) But I guess, who's to say what's to happen?

9) Just as a disclaimer to this rather sad entry, I am happy.

10) Just wish those around me and the World at large feels the same way.