i love my privacy and my freedom. was looking at my blog and its posts and realised that I don't have comments for any entry, but that that's really the best way to be, cos only then can I truly feel free enough to voice out my truest emotions and views without having to consider, negate or moderate my words. love it. also just realised that the sentence before the last one is exceptionally long. hah. i is happy now. yeay, let's find for a pretty shiney cheery picture..

Credits: http://www.wallstory-murals.co.uk/mural_details/Over%20the%20rainbow/over_the_rainbow_details.htm

Hi there..

It has been a while since I last really got inspired and blogged. Cos a lot of times, I'm haggled and bothered by so many pressing and urgent needs to do this or that.. so much so that it leaves very little space to be truly 'free' and inspired.. Now, it's slightly different.. I feel a bit more happy and relaxed. Mainly because I've graduated, and have finished one more test for this job I'm applying for, and even finished the few ywlc stuff I need to do.. so feel really free.. :) good feeling, hasn't been felt for some time now.

Another thing, I think I am very fortunate to e blessed with a supportive and highly motivating grandmother and a doting and unwavering mother. They are the pillars of my strength and I have a lot to be thankful for with them in my life. To be honest, I won't be able to achieve much without their constant support and love. Think about it, if I didn't have them, I wouldn't know how to support myself, not just financially (which is already the bulk of the problem) but also, 'operationally'. They take care of my meals, they quietly do this, that, for me, never asking for much in return, all investing in me for they have the belief that it will do me good and help me secure a bright future. they wish the world for me, they truly wish for my well being and success. Isn't that precious? To be truly loved without them ever asking for anything in return? I am very blessed, Alhamdulillah.

Just now, my grandma, my mum and I went to Uncle Ismail's house. Auntie Wahidah, his wife fetched us and drove us over. Uncle Mail (pronounced in the malay way and not the english way) is relatively rich. He lives in a large condo that should easily be worth more than $1mln, has been very successful in his career and very successful by most measures. Yet, in that car ride, as I sat next to my mum who told me how happy she was to have me with her, I realised that the richest ppl are those who have their loved ones close to them. those who have their families intact, who have their loved ones close to them and who love and support them unconditionally.. And I am already relatively rich in that aspect, Alhamdulillah. I hope I never forget this important realization. Of course, if I could have it all, and be both rich (in material terms) and in terms of relations and in love, that would be best.. But if I had to choose between the two, I think I would choose the latter anytime. Remember this Khairah. A good lesson from a beautiful day.

On an unrelated topic, I wish to talk of Uncle Mail. He's such a kind man.. We all prayed together in his house, with him as the Imam and he prayed for my late grandfather and for my success in my career and life too. A truly kind man. May Allah reward him for his kindness, Inshaallah. Good day all in all, worth missing MPS for this. :P k that's as inspired as I can get today.. Take care all u good ppl and always always put your family first, they're completely worth it.

tired beyond comprehension. emotionally, spiritually and mentally. take me to a land of happiness.

blabliblu

Hi, ok had some problem with blogger previously probably because of this blogger app that I dwlded for my phone. Couldn't save posts but had to publish new ones-> so I've deleted the app since n it's fine now.

anyway.. I wanted to blog cos I've been feeling a bit down. I don't think I've been using my time very effectively. Just now, I nagged n all when my grandma asked me to bring her down n buy the clothes poles together. 1) bcos I wanted to do work (settle ywlc stuff n apply fr more jobs) and 2) cos I didn't see the rush- like the thing with my grandma is that when she wants to do smtg, she'll just go all out n do it THEN. On her terms, her timing. So yeah a bit irritated. Then again, I realise that I shouldn't be so inflexible and should be a bit more understanding lah. After all, my grandma's right in a lot of ways- sometimes, there's no point procrastinating. Just go all out, finish it, settle, done. Why think so much, why wait so much, etc etc. But still, her insistence on doing things at her convenience is a tad irritating la but nvm la, just make her happy la. I should be a bit more accommodating too la. (anyway, to cut this story short, I did bring her down, wheeled her all the way to the shop, got the clothes poles n came back).

I do know that once my grandma is no longer around, I will pine and long for small moments like these so I should truly treasure these moments that I have with her now. And make her happy to the best of my abilities. Spend more time with her. Hmm.. it is on that note that I have kinda decided not to go ahead with my India trip la. India can wait, family comes first seriously. :) And I feel good about this decision.

Ok, now that I have cleared things off my chest.. I have got to get back to settling my unfinished business with ywlc. have a meeting in the evening. NO PROCRASTINATING!

NEEDS TO RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RAWR!!

nightmare

Had a nightmare this morning.. Was quite terrible. Dreamt that I married an unknown person n I felt so much regret n sadness. Terrible. Nau'zubillah. I'm now waiting for my bus at vivo city, to get me to school. My RBR book is overdue by 2 hrs-so $2 fine. :/ sigh, well it'll all end tmrw Inshaallah.

Can't wait. Inshaallah.

good link:

http://chronicle.com/article/The-Shadow-Scholar/125329/

I feel so strangely free. :) It's a good feeling. Went to the Habib Noh mosque early this morning with my mum and it felt good to pray there- glad I made it in time. Had good food, they served Nasi briyani and grandma cooked lontong soto too. Shukur Alhamdulillah. Hari Raya Haji is to remind us of sacrifices. Those sacrifices that ppl around us do for us, selflessly, and with no expectations for anything in return. Like how my mum selflessly wakes up every morning to work and earn a living for my family and me. Or how my grandma will bear all pain and exhaustion to cook for her kids and grandkids. Sacrifice takes all forms. I'm thinking about the sacrifices I have made and hmm, tbh there aren't many. One, I do sacrifice some weekends and free time to spend time with my family but then again, that makes me happy so I don't really count that as a sacrifice. studying hard to ensure that I'll do well enough (to get a job)- thn again, that too is self-driven if you think about it. So hmm. I dunno, but I honestly can't really think of any real sacrifices I have made.

Oh wells. =) Happy Eid everyone.

at this moment, I'm overwhelmed. I am reminded of Allah's greatness and his wonderful blessings. :) Feel very blessed, Alhamdulillah. Went through about 4.5yrs of Uni, 1.5 yrs worth of internship experience and made countless of wonderful friendships. This is SUCH a special day. ok, I'm acting like this is the last day of school but it's this friday that is my last day of school. I can do this (have 1 20 pg long report, 1 more presentation, 1 test tmr, 1 grp report due on Sunday). Can do this can do this! :) Amin.

Dear Allah,

so many sweet ppl surround me. all asking me how I have done for the Bain interview cos they thought it's today. It's tmr -postponed again. Haiz, I really want to do this well. Please let me get through. Amin.

Love,

Khairah