reflections of a 20 years lived Life

reflections of a 20 years lived Life

i feel tempted to switch back to livejournal. somehow blogspot seems too open for my taste. which is ironic really, considering how I thought that having a blogspot blog would really mean that I'm opening up, baring myself inside out, to be a free-er, more careless person, a lot like prying a tightly clamped oyster bit by bit. Because there'd be no luxury of protecting certain entries under the 'personal' or 'friends only' tab. But its not working, I just realised that the fact that I readily give my blog address to frens when they ask, makes me feel restricted, a tad worried and tensed, depriving me of my wish to blog freely. But it really isn't because I don't trust my friends enough. It really is because I am not fully comfortable with who I am just yet. I don't trust myself enough to want to share things about myself. Only very few ppl know me inside out. Even those who are dearest to me, know half, or at most three quarters of the person I really am. But perhaps, there is no such thing as knowing someone or one's self completely. Even the bestest of friends may know all the events in your life, but can they ever know who you really are? The second part of the previous sentence is in itself highly ambiguous. Do you know who you are? It may take years, even decades before you or I can claim to know ourselves. But even then, would that be an accurate interpretation? For we are constantly changing. At times, along this journey we call Life, we forget who we are, then for simplicity's sake, assume the most convenient or desired perception of the Self that is tempered to moderation for a touch of realism, merely to succeed in covincing ourselves that that is who we are. That we are who we claim we are.
Till this moment in my life, I can truthfully say that I still am far from certain of who I really am. But I kind of prefer being unsure than being blindly lured into believing a lie.